Today’s podcast explains how one guy (me) learned how to stop screaming at the TV set when the politicians are on. It’s good for your throat, your blood pressure, and the noise sensitive neighbors.
This just in, today’s podcast is the most selfish one I ever posted. This also just in: Here’s the new way St. Peter welcomes people to heaven.
Supposed to take a long road trip today. Don’t like that weather, and my Lady Wonder Wench doesn’t approve of the quick repair job I did on the side view mirror. What would Big Louie do?
Family reunion coming up this weekend…if the hurricane doesn’t wash it out. It’s out of state, and there are no airports nearby where I can land my plane…and as I explained in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, my Lady Wonder Wench likes to drive. She enjoys rolling the windows down and saying terrible things in Polish to the other drivers as she swerves back onto the highway. And some of the roads around here have temporary only fixes. Any and all prayers are welcome.
One of my all time favorite “Mixed Up” stories is part of today’s podcast. It’s about a husband and wife who were scheduled to attend a Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested. But she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by her not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain, and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every “babe” he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had made mad, passionate love in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed. Wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. ‘Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.’ Then she asked, ‘Did you dance much?’ He replied, I’ll tell you; I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met my brother Pete, Bill Brown and some other guy, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening. ‘You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!’ she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied,˜actually, I gave my costume to the host. Apparently he had the time of his life’
My Lady Wonder Wench’s magazine says that women’s favorite dream is quote…” being submissive.” As I put so delicately in today’s podcast, “What the hell is THAT all about ? SUBMISSIVE …If I told any of the Louie-Louie Ladies I know they should be submissive, they would reply with the world famous one finger salute.” Why did an all knowing, All Loving, and All Just Creator make it so hard for me to figure women out ? I checked into some of the preacher shows on tv for some possible answers last night. But I struck out. By the way, you’ve got to be careful looking for those preacher shows…especially the pay per view ones. Just because you hear a woman yelling things like “Oh God, oh yes, yes, yes, Oh God yes”…that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve found a certified preacher show.
Just back from the Hall of Fame induction. What a trip. As Big Louie says in my book, “You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen.” And this was wonderful. There are pages of emails and facebook posts that I’m going to catch up on as soon as possible. Gotta take a day to unwind with my Lady Wonder Wench today.
I have a confession to make in today’s podcast. Sometimes I get up in the middle of the night, and sit here in my big, comfortable black leather pappa chair in the living room, and I sneak a look at my Lady Wonder Wench’s magazines…in what is probably a futile attempt to learn something…anything…about women. When I’m trying to figure out what’s going on in a woman’s mind about a situation, It could give an asprin a headache it’s so confusing. For example, here’s a statistic that says 6 out of 7 women wear clothes to bed. Why do you people do that ? One of the great lines in the classic Elizabeth Taylor/Richard Burton Cleopatra movie is when Cleo is giving Ceasar a hard time about his wife, and she says, “I hear your wife even wears clothes to bed.” I suppose it’s ok if you’re a kid, and you’re used to wearing your jammies to bed…but if you’re a grown up Louie-Louie Generation Lady…you must have figured out by now that you shouldn’t be in bed with somebody you shouldn’t be in bed with. And if you ARE in bed with somebody you shouldn’t be in bed with, why the heck would you be wearing clothes ? Unless of course we’re talking about something from Victoria’s Secret…which is a whole different idea. But according to Lady Wonder Wench’s magazine, most women don’t wear sexy stuff to bed, they wear T-shirts and boxers to bed. To which, Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation says…”Hey, it would make more sense to TAKE boxers to bed.” That’s what you call Louie-Louie Logic. And I like it. More about this in today’s podcast.
As I told you in today’s podcast, I’m going to Massachusetts for the Broadcaster’s Hall of Fame induction this weekend, so I won’t be posting for a few days. It will be good to meet for some serious discussions about the state of modern radio with my fellow broadcasters.