CBS reports that talk show hosts in Florida “offered cash and prizes to anyone who created a disturbance” at a Bill Cosby appearance. I spent my adult life in the radio business, including doing talk for the NBC Radio Network. I am totally ashamed of these guys. As Cosby said, “Suppose somebody brings a weapon…” Whatever you think of Mr. Cosby, he has not been convicted of anything. And in America, last time I looked, you’re innocent until proven guilty. I think if those guys aren’t fired the station should lose its license.
My Lady Wonder Wench and I stopped in at a McDonalds for lunch the other day. There was a guy outside groping around in a trash can looking for something to eat. I gave him a buck and a smile. But I was wondering where he was going to spend the night, and the rest of the winter nights. And I was wondering why I was playing with the Skype on my computer while he was barely scraping by. That’s what today’s podcast is about.
My Lady Wonder Wench is writing about some things in this week’s podcast.
The good thing is, he really looks better than he did on Skype – for some reason, unless you wear lots of makeup, television of any kind (including Skype) makes you look washed out and . . . oollddd. Which is why you NEVER see me that way. I am not and never have been Tinker Bell, but that little lady had the right idea. Find a guy and stick to him like glue. No, not Crazy Glue, the old fashioned kind called love and attraction and fun and laughs and seeing stars and rainbows – and picking up the pieces when life hands you bad times.Of course, I might someday forgive him for messing up the commercials late at night when he wasn’t supposed to – and I had to “fix” things. But after all, he’s just a guy . . .
If you haven’t read my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot yet, please do. It will prepare you for your journey through the next few years. You’ll learn that the older you get, the more important it is that you don’t act your age. You’ll learn that it’s hard work getting young again when you’ve let yourself get old, so don’t let yourself get old in the first place.
There’s stuff from my book “Staying Happy Healthy And Hot” in the current podcast, like if you rear end a car on the highway the first thing you should do is turn off your cell phone. And if you want to take a shot at show biz…maybe becoming a professional comedian… go ahead. If you fail as a comedian it’s ok because nobody will laugh at you. You’ll be encouraged to ask yourself things like, “If sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth, why are we supposed to save it for someone we love? And on that subject, why do they call it necking? And how come only one of the three “R-s” begins with an R? Reading, writing and arithmetic.
Lots of different ways to look at things. The Puritans sinned by dancing, the Indians danced their sins away. This week’s podcast is about the Skype way of looking at things.
I loved being on the air late at night, and I called my listeners my “huddle,” as in when football players gather around to find out what the quarterback wants them to do next. I felt like the quarterback, calling the plays that would get all of us through the night. That was the goal… making it safely and comfortably all the way to dawn. There are lots of stories about that in my new book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot.
A Skype-Scraper isn’t a tall building with a TV antenna on top. Sometimes it’s a way to get in people’s faces to talk about “This Land Is My Land, This Land Is Your Land.” Or is it? www.dicksummer.com/podcast
I am now a newly minted Skype-scraper. A Skype-scraper is not a tall building with a TV antenna on top. A Skype-scraper is a guy who manages to scrape together enough equipment to use a computer video program called Skype. The new computers make it pretty simple I’m told, but my computer is approaching boat anchor status, meaning it’s more than five years old, so there was lots of scraping going on for a camera, a compatible mic, adapters and stuff like that. It was really kind of neat and it was a lot of fun. My friend Neal Braverman has a pretty good size group of folks who like folk music up in Boston, and I got to talk to them while I was sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room last Sunday night. I like folk music too, and I used to play a lot of it when I was a dj at a Boston radio station. So Neal invited me to talk to the group, since lots of them were part of my Boston radio huddle. I was on the air late at night, and I called my listeners my “huddle,” as in when football players gather around to find out what the quarterback wants them to do next. I felt like the quarterback, calling the plays that would get all of us through the night. That was the goal… making it safely and comfortably all the way to dawn. There are lots of stories about that in my new book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. ( www.dicksummer.com )
There is a connection between Folk music and Country music and some Classic Rock. And the connection is in the words…the stories and the ideas and the attitudes that come with the picking, twanging and thumping. Probably the best known Folk song around here was written by Woody Guthrie. It’s called This Land Is Your Land, This Land Is My Land. These days a title like that might hint that a very large law suit might be in order. This Land Is Your Land This Land Is My Land. Either a law suit or a fence all along the border between us. Actually, Woody wrote the song because he thought God Bless America was kind of sappy, and he figured he could do better. There really was a bit of a chip on the shoulder about it. I think one of the reasons America became the greatest nation on earth, is that we do often have chips on our shoulders. But while I was growing up, when we used to disagree with each other we’d give each other the respect of listening to both sides of the argument, and come up with a compromise that works. We understood that here are always at least two ways of looking at everything. The Puritans sinned if they danced, the Indians danced their sins away. Some people say we are bodies with a spirit, others say we are spirits with a body. My friend Big Louie always says, “We’re spirits that sweat.” I like being a sweaty spirit. Consider this: Eating is dangerous to your health. Not eating is also dangerous to your health. You’ve got to compromise. We need water for life, but watch out that you don’t drown. It’s a compromise. Some people say when an egg is fertilized it’s a complete person, I say I’d much rather have a complete turkey than a fertilized egg on Thanksgiving, thank you very much. But let’s compromise, because I’m getting hungry. This land belongs to both of us. You and me. Remember when we used to sit down together and we mixed your ideas together with my ideas? That’s a compromise. Compromise isn’t a dirty word. Our Constitution is an example of a brilliant series of compromises. But the guys in Washington don’t want us to do that anymore. Our last election was a good example of what I mean. Instead of coming up with new ideas…new compromises…to solve our problems, they just tried to turn us into mobs throwing stones at each other. And to a great extent, they were successful. Lots of people understood what they were doing, and got so disgusted that they decided they wouldn’t vote for any of them. So only about 30% of us voted. We can do better than that. We always did. It was United We Stand. This Land Is Your Land This Land Is My Land.
Dick’s Details, a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s making you crazy out the other ear, so you can lower your blood pressure by a few hundred points. There is a guinea pig who escaped his cage at a British animal park and sneaked into the female enclosure, where he impregnated 100 females. And believe it or not, his name is Randy. You cannot make this stuff up. My friend next door is also named Randy, but he assures me that it’s not exactly for the same reason. If the answer is “Rosebowl” what is the question? Oklahoma’s state vegetable is the watermelon. Shhh…don’t tell them. Watermelon is a fruit. The smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that insomnia is almost twice as common in women as it is in men. I think that’s because women are always wondering what we’re up to at night. Oh yeah. If the answer is “Rosebowl” the question is what do you say when it’s Rose’s turn at the bowling alley.
Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. A little house cleaning if you don’t mind. If you like this podcast, would you please forward it to a couple of friends and ask them to do the same. That’ll grow our group nicely.
One of the things I thought was interesting about doing the video on Skype, was that lots of Neal’s friends used to listen to me on the radio a long time ago. No pictures…radio. So the other night was the first time they got to see me. And now that’s the picture they’ll have of me from when they were listening to me all those years ago when they were kids. But I didn’t look like this then. And looks are deceiving. I explained to them that what they think is my gray hair is really what us Louie Louie Generation guys call our “Wisdom Highlights”. I think they understood, because they’ve been around for a while too, and although our theme song Louie Louie isn’t probably in their top ten, they do have the Gratitude/Attitude, which is what really makes you a very welcome member of our huddle. It’s all in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. If you haven’t read it yet, please do. It will prepare you for your journey through the next few years. You’ll learn that the older you get, the more important it is that you don’t act your age. You’ll learn that it’s hard work getting young again when you’ve let yourself get old, so don’t let yourself get old in the first place. You’ll learn lots of other stuff too like if you rear end a car on the highway the first thing you should do is turn off your cell phone. And if you want to take a shot at show biz…maybe becoming a professional comedian… go ahead. If you fail as a comedian it’s ok because nobody will laugh at you. You’ll be encouraged to ask yourself things like, “If sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth, why are we supposed to save it for someone we love? And on that subject, why do they call it necking? And how come only one of the three “R-s” begins with an R? Reading, writing and arithmetic. You will also learn my thoughts about what has happened to today’s radio. For example AM stands for Absolutely Moronic. I won’t tell you what FM stands for. I hate that. I loved being on the radio. But it’s true that the only constant is change. I guess that’s why a poet said, “The moving hand of time writes, and having writ moves on.” I really think too many people die of old age when they’re much too young. It started happening me a long time ago. Then suddenly, my Lady Wonder Wench appeared in my life…and started spreading her fairy dust. It was just like what Tinker Bell did for Peter Pan.
You probably know the story. Tinker Bell was a fairy who loved Peter Pan. Peter loved a human girl by the name of Wendy. So there was nothing in it for Tinker Bell. But she gave Peter everything she had any way. Even the stuff that gave Peter the ability to fly…her magic fairy dust. When she did that, she almost disappeared because the magic fairy dust was her strength. The only thing that kept her from disappearing, was that some people cared enough to clap for her…some people gave her a little love. Love makes you strong. Even if it’s only a one way love.
Clap Hands For Tinkerbelle is the name of that story. If you like it, you can just keep this podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just go back to www.dicksummer.com and check out the Bedtime Stories Icon on the home page.
My thanks to my friend Neal for inviting me to Skype-scrape with his folk song friends. I had a lot of fun. And if it has been a while since you’ve heard Woody’s song, here’s how part of it goes:
This land is your land This land is my land
From California to the New York island;
From the red wood forest to the Gulf Stream waters
This land was made for you and Me.
As I was walking that ribbon of highway,
I saw above me that endless skyway:
I saw below me that golden valley:
This land was made for you and me.
I love this next verse. It goes,
As I went walking I saw a sign there
And on the sign it said “No Trespassing.”
But on the other side it didn’t say nothing,
That side was made for you and me.
And this verse always blows me away.
In the shadow of the steeple I saw my people,
By the relief office I seen my people;
As they stood there hungry, I stood there asking
Is this land made for you and me?
Woody bent the English language a little. But the message was straight and to the point.
I was thinking about that last Sunday night, as I was sitting here in my big, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room telling people about how This Land Is Your Land, and This Land Is My Land. My lady and I stopped at a McDonalds for lunch earlier that day. There was a guy outside looking through the trash bucket for something to eat. I gave him a buck…and I did it with a little love…and just a quick little smile. I couldn’t help wonder why while I was having so much fun Skype-scraping, he was just barely scraping by. I was thinking yeah, this land is your land and this land is my land. And it’s time for us to stop throwing rocks at each other and come up with some way to make it that poor hungry guys’ land too.
The first time I was born I grew up liking mini-skirts. And string Bikinis. I was a Coney Island beach life guard when girls started wearing those string Bikinis. Girls are smart. They knew about hormones. They understood that because of their hormones, wearing a string Bikini gave them a choice at the beach. They could either slink or swim, depending on what kind of song their hormones were singing at the time. I think it was the hormones that made the times so different the first time I was born. The podcast will tell you about being born again.