Dick Summer Connection

T.G.I.F so it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s causing you grief out the other ear, and you can get upgraded to first class on a direct flight to the destination called happiness. 5,483 people checked into hospital emergency rooms last year with what were called “Pillow related emergencies.” Sounds like a strange way to describe a pregnancy. A pillow related emergency. If the answer is “a brick” what is the question? I’ll tell you in a minute. The smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that women blink almost twice as much as men. That’s probably because many women can’t believe what they see guys  doing. One in four Americans are not sure if the earth travels around the sun, or the sun travels around the earth. Those people should not be left unsupervised. Thirty five percent of people watching TV yell back at the screen. I have a feeling the percentage is much higher for people watching one of the all news networks. 52% of Americans say they’d rather spend a week in jail than be president. Probably just as many Americans seem to feel that it would be appropriate to do both these days at the same time. If the answer is “a brick” the question is, “What’s red and bad for your teeth?” Bricks are bad for your teeth. If you bite one, your dentist will probably tell you you need a crown. If he says that to you, be humble. Tell him, “No…a crown is too excessive. Just a short burst of cheering will do fine.”  Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

A little housekeeping here. If you like the podcasts, or the spoken word story CDs, or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, and you’ll be doing me a favor. Thank you very much.

Sex is forcing airlines to cancel flights these days. At least partly because testosterone is drying up at a startling rate in American young guys. And 96% of pilots are guys. Today’s podcast explains that the airlines are screaming for pilots so they can stop cancelling flights. The smart guys in the white lab coats are telling us that the main reasons that testosterone is drying up include poor diet, smoking, and exposure to toxic chemicals. But the biggest factor is stress. Guys are under a lot of stress these days. So are women, but women run mostly on estrogen, not on very much testosterone. One of the things I like best about my Lady Wonder Wench is that she is one sex, and I’m the other. It’s simple. I like simple. I AM simple. More and more people are making sex more and more complicated now. And I say, God bless them too. But I like simple. One of the greatest lines from a Broadway Musical, is from My Fair Lady, when Professor Higgins says, “Why can’t a woman be more like a man.” Well Professor, go for whatever sprinkles your donuts, but I like women exactly the way they are. Although most of them are not flying airplanes.

Sex is now forcing airlines to cancel flights. Today’s podcast explains that’s because there aren’t enough pilots. Remember, 96% of pilots are guys. Testosterone is a key ingredient for being a guy. There has been a 52% drop in testosterone in young guys over the last 30 years. Airlines are screaming for pilots. And the problem isn’t just chemical, it’s in attitudes too. Guys like to read maps. Women would rather read faces. Both maps and faces need reading. But maps are more important when you go flying. Only 4% of pilots are women. So next time your flight is cancelled and they say it’s “a mechanical problem,” you can smile smugly, wink at the person at the desk, and tell her you know the real problem is sex. 

My flight out of Philly was cancelled. I think it’s because of sex. NOT ENOUGH PILOTS TO MAINTAIN THE SCHEDULE. Mainly because not enough women are learning to fly. There are lots of theories about why there are so few female pilots. My theory is in today’s podcast.Women’s brains are set up differently from men’s. Women’s brains certainly aren’t inferior to men’s brains, but they really are different. For example, how many smart women do you know who have an occasional problem distinguishing the difference between right and left? I’d say most of them. Ask around if you think I’m kidding. Also, a woman’s sense of balance is more sensitive than a man’s. And it’s always handy to keep your balance when you’re streaking across the sky almost at the speed of sound, trying to figure out if you should turn left or right to stay on course. So I guess it’s to a great extent the differences between men and women that has me stuck here at Gate D14 at Philly International.

The Man/Woman thing is constantly interesting to me. In today’s podcast, I blamed women for having my flight from Philly cancelled, because women refuse to learn to fly, leaving it up to us overworked, underpaid, constantly harrased men to become pilots. As I mentioned in today’s podcast, 96% of pilots are men.  The airlines are screaming for pilots these days. But over the past 30 years young men have lost 54% of their testosterone, which is a key ingredient for becoming a guy. Only 4% of pilots are women. So I think that’s one reason we have fewer pilots than we need. Which is why my flight from Philly was really cancelled. Today’s podcast caught the attention of one of our most important huddle members, Carole M. Carole is a heavy duty RN among other things, and she knows what she’s talking about. I also mentioned that women often have a problem telling left from right. I really thought you should see what she wrote:

Hi Dick. Just wanted to comment on your thoughts regarding why there is a lack of testosterone among men these days. You’re quite right about the chemicals. What you probably don’t realize is that the main bad actors are called “hormone disruptors”. The best known one is called Bisphenol A, or BPA for short. This product is in most plastic bottles and it leaches into the drinks (including water!) that they hold. These particular hormone disruptors mimic estrogen – and that is a serious problem. Not only is there a dearth of testosterone among men, but now there is too much estrogen! Some years ago, Harvard medical school did a study to test what the effects of BPA leaching into bottled water might be having on those who drank it. They got a cohort of male and female college student volunteers (who were paid for their trouble.) First, they were given filtered water to drink that had been tested for BPA (zero percent) which was in stainless steel bottles. After several days of drinking only this water, their urine was tested and showed no BPA in it. They were then all given the same brand of bottled water (plastic bottles) to drink. After the end of just one day, they got urine samples and tested it. Findings were that there was a SIXTY percent saturation of the urine with BPA. Imagine how many people today are unaware of this! I myself had no clue until I had contracted breast cancer. The oncologist I went to see told me that from that day henceforth, I was to never again drink from a plastic bottle – and he explained why. I then began doing some research, and I have to tell you – that didn’t make me happy. Just try going into a convenience store to purchase a drink without sugar or artificial sweeteners that is not in plastic bottles. Rots o ruck!!

As for me – NEVER had difficulty determining right from left – but then, I’m not your average Sheila (as they say down under)!! Many years ago, I used to see a gynecologist on the upper west side around 79th street and Central Park West. One day, before I got on the exam table, I noticed a sign on the wall to the left that said: “No, Your OTHER right side!!!!” I asked about that and he,while laughing, explained that he’d tell his patients to lie on their right sides, and they would promptly life on their left, facing the wall with the sign. I’ve always had an aversion to women drivers – maybe that explains it!!!

Carole

The airlines are screaming for pilots. They’re beginning to cancel more and more flights, because some picky-picky passengers still prefer flying in airplanes with pilots in the cockpit. The story is in today’s podcast. Fascinating fact: 95% of American pilots are guys. There are lots of theories about why flying is such a male dominated activity. But my point here is that flying IS a male dominated activity, and testosterone is one of the most important physical differences between men and women. And young guys have lost 52% of their testosterone in the last 30 years. The experts say that’s due to chemicals in the air, and STRESS! I think stress is the biggie. But why are only about 4% of American pilots women? Women run on estrogen, not testosterone. It looks to me like you women aren’t pulling your fair  share of the flying duties.  And I think that’s one of the main reasons my flight has been cancelled, and I’m stuck here at Gate D15 at Philadelphia International Airport. Let’s go ladies!

I’m sitting here at Gate D15 at Philadelphia International Airport, and they just said my flight out of Philly has been cancelled. They said it was because of mechanical difficulties but I think the cancellation was caused by Sex. So that’s what I said in today’s podcast. Lots of flights these days are cancelled because of sex. It has nothing to do with something going on in the bathroom of the pilot’s lounge between the hunky pilot and a sexy flight attendant. It has to do with testosterone…or the lack of it. Testosterone is a key ingredient for guy-hood. And I think that might really be why my flight was just cancelled. Here’s what I mean. 96% of the approximately 600,000 American pilots are guys. And in the last 30 years American’s young men have had a 52% drop in testosterone. That’s not a sexist statement, it’s a medical statistic about what’s happening to young guys. The airlines are screaming for pilots. They’re beginning to cancel more and more flights, because some picky-picky passengers still prefer flying in airplanes with pilots in the cockpit.

Today’s podcast is about the limits of figuring things out. There’s no explaining the feeling a friend’s voice gives you when you’ve got a serious problem, and he tells you he’s got your back. Or the feeling you get watching your kid hit his first little league home run. Or finding the first dandelion of Spring in your front yard…watching a full moon shining on a light dusting of snow on a crystal clear Christmas Eve…and holding someone you’ve loved for a long time…falling asleep together…Silent Night on the stereo…warm and safe together… in front of a fragrant pine fire. I think some things are just too precious for us to figure out.

T.G.I.F, so it’s time for  Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s cluttering up your life out the other ear and you can grab a grin and win. One third of pet owners say they have talked to their pets on the telephone…maybe that’s why their psychiatrists are always complaining about getting busy signals. If the answer is a curser, what is the question? Don’t know do you. I’ll tell you in a minute. The most shoplifted book in the United States is…the bible. Kind of figures. The people who steal them are the people who most need to read them. Steal a bible and God will get you. If you thought the world’s oldest profession was prostitution, shame on you. According to anthropologists, the world’s oldest profession was Witch Doctor. No word about witch dentists. The northern fur seal averages 40 to 60 mates per season…a lot like the average rock star. If the answer is a curser, the question is, “What do you call a guy who is having trouble with his computer? A curser. Your spell checker probably won’t let you write that. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

So many things to figure out between men and women. Here’s one from today’s podcast…really… I saw a guy putting a smear of testosterone under his arm on TV last night. Since when is under your arm the best place to keep your testosterone? You need a prescription for testosterone, which means it’s a controlled substance…that’s why you can’t get it without a doctor’s note. Does that mean if you’re a guy when a cop pulls you over for a traffic violation, does he say, license, insurance and doctor’s note? Testosterone keeps guys from getting headaches. Women don’t have much testosterone. So they get headaches. Which is..often…a major headache for guys who need to have sex.