Happy Thanksgiving. Have some pumpkin pie.
It was on Thanksgiving night a number of years ago, that I started the Men Are Saints campaign on WNBC radio. I called it the M.A.S. appeal. Men are saints. It’s in today’s podcast, and in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. The idea came from remembering a Thanksgiving watching what happened when my Lady Wonder Wench, and our daughter Kris, and my Sister in law Brenda were scurrying around preparing dinner, while the guys were…otherwise occupied. Here’s the point: Men are seldom given credit for our sensitivity, our intelligence and our selfless behavior. For example, here in the Northeast, Thanksgiving is usually celebrated on a cold day. So where do we men traditionally encourage our women to spend the day? Right. In the warmest room in the house. The kitchen. While we, on the other hand, in a manly display of selfless courage, throw ourselves in front of the tv screen to protect our loved ones from the terrible effects of the cathode rays that squirt out of the picture tube. I think those harmful rays must be the reason for the pain so many of us get during commercials for erectile disfunction medications, which if not used under a doctor’s HMO plan, can cause us to get permanently stuck in the upright condition, therefore making it necessary for us to walk bent over at all social functions till the following March. And how much credit do we men get for that traditional self sacrifice ? Right. None.
I’m sitting in my big, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in the living room, looking forward to the arrival of Mr. Turkey, Mr. Claus, and then New Year’s Eve. As I’ve mentioned in today’s podcast my great, great, grandfather, Myles Standish Summer used to say, “Turkeys are really dumb. They even walk up to you and they say, gobble gobble gobble”…and so we do.” If I were the Big Turkey, I’d tell my guys…look …enough with the gobble gobble. Shut up. And while you’re at it, go get yourself a trick or treat costume with big eyes and a funny little tail. And learn to take funny hops like the Easter Bunny.” But that doesn’t happen. Those guys never learn. They’re like the deer around here. I could never figure out why Bambi doesn’t take the little bambinos aside and tell them, “You know those big, noisy machines with the two bright eyes that come roaring around at night? Don’t stand in the middle of the road and look at them. Get out of the way.”
This is Monday. Mondays are a lousy way to spend one seventh of your life. Among other things they are confusing. This Monday is the beginning of a number of Black Fridays we’ll be celebrating this week by beating each other up to spend money. Lots more about this week in today’s podcast.
Today’s podcast is to remind you what Big Louie says in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, “You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen.” I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, thinking about the wonderful stroke of luck that happened to me…that I was born in America. I could just as easily have been born in Syria, or Iraq, or some other Godforsaken place. Or I guess I could just as easily have not been born at all. “You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen. That’s what Thanksgiving is all about of course. As Big Louie says in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, “You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen.
This can be a vicious, vicious life. The warning signs are in today’s podcast.
Congratulations. We’ve made it to another weekend. Fridays are when guys plan an evening of erotic splendor. Some guys have become artists at it. Fridays are also “Dick’s Details” days from today’s podcast.
Tough stuff going on all over. Today’s podcast is a remember that one of the most important points in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot is called the Gratitude Attitude. It means it makes sense to remember to be grateful for what you’ve got. Feeling old? Be grateful for the years…lots of folks don’t get as many as you’ve had. Your love life stinks? Lots of other people have the same problem. If you go out and really look, you have a good chance of finding someone who’s also out there looking, and maybe the lessons from your bad experiences will help you do better this time. It’s worth a shot. Stuff happens. Good stuff and bad stuff. It’s about even. As it says in the book, you can either spend your life doing the duck and cover because bad stuff could happen, or you can spend your life looking forward to something really wonderful coming your way. Your choice.
It is a vicious life in today’s Podcast. And a lot of it is our own fault. We tear down all the trees to make suburbs, and we name the streets after the trees. There are free abortions in China, but there is a two year wait. And I think it is a bigger crime to open a bank than it is to rob one. No matter how high up your leg life bites you, remember what Big Louie says in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot: “You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen.”