May 3rd, 2016
Today’s podcast is about guys who like to fly airplanes. There are some high profile guys like John Travolta, and Harrison Ford, and Tom Cruise who fly their own planes. But most pilots are just guys like me who simply like to put on our Ray Bans and go flying. And most of pilots ARE guys. Something like 95% of American pilots are guys. But the five percent of pilots who are not guys are almost all excellent pilots. One of the best is a gorgeous blonde by the name of Patty Wagstaff. She’s an aerobatic champion with a great sense of humor. Lots of times she’ll fly an air show anonymously, and when she lands, everybody wants to cheer for the stud pilot and the canopy slides back, she stands uptakes off her helmet and shakes her long blond hair at the crowd. The cheers get very loud. Guy pilots tend to like lady pilots. And ladies in general.
May 2nd, 2016
You all know that my favorite Lad is a New Yorker. I am an honorary New Yorker, having spent many mostly good years there. The lady who wrote the following runs the cross-stitch shop where I spend a good deal of time. She also provides support and sustenance for her two nephews’ high school baseball team and finds time to write a newsletter for the stitchers who love needlework and Tall Beth herself. Even non-New Yorkers feel the grip of this memorial:
“You might remember a little story last year about Jimmy calling me one evening before baseball & asking if I could go on his school trip the next day (which I did). I was just happy that I had a 12 hour heads up, as the previous class trip I went on I got a call at 6:15 AM & had to be at school at 7 AM! This year (!) I actually got an ENTIRE MONTH warning! So on Wednesday, we headed off to New York City for the day. Hilarious to be on a bus & hear kids all saying “Mom, Mother, Mom” & then all the boys yelling “Antie” (all Chris’ friends call me Antie). Don’t know ANY of the girls, but know almost all the boys. This year, they toured NBC Studios (no play this year) & were encouraged to go to St Patrick’s Cathedral (however, it was graduation day for EVERY CATHOLIC SCHOOL IN NYC so we were polite & just left). We then got back on the bus & went down to the World Trade Center & the 9/11 Memorial. I wondered how these kids would react (hey, they’re teenagers…they’re RARELY serious). I also was ambivalent about visiting. I had been to Ground Zero when it was literally a gaping hole in the ground ~ it looked like exactly what it was: a horrible wound that might scar over but would never be the same. I really didn’t think making it into a garden with fountains & flowers & happy, happy, cheery, cheery was appropriate for what had happened. I also thought it was a bit disrespectful to rebuild the towers ~ although I totally understand the arguments of “don’t let them win” & the practicality of the space being too valuable to leave abandoned. I changed my mind. Below is a picture of the water feature they’ve created. There are 2. Each sits in the footprint of one of the original towers. There is a waist-high wall all around the sides. Water falls 30 feet down all 4 sides, across the “floor” & into a hole in the center, or an abyss. It is truly haunting. It is, in MY opinion, an amazing tribute & remembrance of the events of the day &, again for ME, as you watch the water fall away, you feel helpless to understand where it all went. Anyway. Just my opinion. The kids were great! Until we left the city at 5PM!!!! Took us an hour to go 2 miles & get thru the tunnel….. And I got to listen to all the 8th grade girls watch old Hannah Montana episodes on their phones ~ each one watching a different episode ~ and doing all the lines because they know them by heart (SHOOT ME!).
May 2nd, 2016
Today’s podcast is about a test pilots have to take to keep flying. Pilots generally have a strange sense of humor. We like to say that, “Landing an airplane is simply a controlled collision with a planet. So if you can walk away from a landing it’s a good landing. If you can use the airplane again it’s a great landing.” Airline pilots have a lot of lives and a lot of very expensive airplanes in their hands. So they tend to be very careful. And guess what almost all those guys do on the days they’re not flying some monster Boeing or Airbus? That’s right. They’re usually down at some little airport like mine, flying their own little airplane.
May 1st, 2016
I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable, black, leather Poppa chair in my living room relaxing. It feels good to relax. Just a little while ago I was sitting in the left front seat of my little airplane, running a checklist to go flying with my buddy Jon. That felt good too. There’s a story about it in today’s podcast. Jon is a flight instructor, and he runs the little airport where I keep my plane. He’s also been a friend for a long time. John went flying with me to check me out for a BFR. A BFR is a biannual flight review. Every two years small plane pilots like me have to prove to a flight instructor that we probably won’t crash too often. If I didn’t pass the test, even though he’s my friend, Jon would have had to take away my Ray Ban sun glasses. That would have been cruel, And John knows it. Because he is also a small plane pilot, and he shares some of our small plane pilot flight fantasies involving Ray Bans. For example in one of our fantasies, a beautiful, but obviously stressed out flight attendant gets on the PA system and she says, “Both the pilots have become ill. Is there another pilot on board” At which point Mr. Small Plane pilot stands up, and using the deepest voice he can manage, he says, “I’ll handle this miss.” He then puts on his Ray Bans, and strides into the cockpit. It doesn’t matter if it’s midnight, those Ray Bans go on. And of course regardless of the fact that there’s a hurricane, an earthquake, and a volcanic eruption going on all around him, Mr. Small Plane Pilot puts that big bird down safely of the runway…at which point Catherine Zeta Jones who happens to be seated in first class rushes up to him and thoroughly fogs up his Ray Bans. Hey…even small plane pilots are entitled to our fantasies. And no pilot is a fully mature person. “The biggest difference between men and boys is the size of their toys.
April 30th, 2016
Saturday is rushing-around-doing-stuff-you-couldn’t-get-done-during-the-week day. But don’t rush too fast. Take time to listen to today’s podcast. And take your time pumping gas.
April 29th, 2016
TGIF, so it’s time for one of the most popular features of today’s podcast, Dick’s Details. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear so you can squeeze the important nasty stuff that’s getting you grim out the other ear, and just for a minute, you can relax, grab a grin and win. If you’re dyslexic you read things backwards. So a dyslexic atheist wouldn’t believe in doG. If the answer is “That’s why most American babies are born in late August and early September” what is the question. Glen Burke of the L.A. Dodgers is credited with inventing the high five in 1977. The high five is a fun thing but it’s a weird name. The high five. It sounds like a drunken basketball team. And the first pilot to fly over both the north and south poles had a perfect pilot name…Admiral Richard Bird. I’ll bet his friends called him Dickie Bird. Oh…if the answer is “Most American babies are born in late August and early September,” the question is, “What were most Americans doing on New Years…New Years Eve?” I’m surprised that more kids aren’t named New Year’s Eve…Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.
April 28th, 2016
It’s good sitting here relaxing…in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room. It’s good to relax. It’s a defense against lots of nasty stuff. Today’s podcast is about the Big nasties and little nasties. Sometimes when they really pile up, the little ones start looking like the big ones. I think that’s why the Lord gave us some friends who don’t mind when you play practical jokes on them…because it’s really true that you’ve got a better chance to win when you grab a grin. So thanks to my Lady Wonder Wench, and Susan, and Al, and Randy…and you too for keeping my life from getting grim.
April 27th, 2016
As the politicians keep reminding us, life is full of nasty stuff. Some of the nasties have big sharp claws, red eyes, and very bad breath. Your lady leaves you, or you lose your job, or some very ugly bug takes up residence in your body or the body of somebody you love. And some of the nasties are paper cut kind of nasties. A traffic ticket, or a visit from your in-laws…or maybe even a real paper cut that hurts. When lots of nasties pile up, the little ones begin to hurt as much as the big ones. I always thought it’s too bad that it doesn’t work the other way around…the big ones feeling like the little ones. But that doesn’t happen. In today’s podcast I was telling you to grab a grin and win…because I really believe a grin is a good way to begin to win. It’s a fact that if you’re feeling down, and you take a deep breath and put a grin on your kisser, you’ll feel a little better. Try it. It works, and the price is right. It doesn’t solve all your problems, but it makes you feel a little better and that’s a good way to get things started in a better direction.
April 26th, 2016
Lots of stuff in today’s podcast about the kind of jokes guys play on each other. My buddy Jerry, was the best man at his brother Kurt’s wedding. The night before the ceremony, Jerry took Kurt’s new shoes and used a felt pen to print the word help on the sole of one shoe, and the word me on the sole of Kurt’s other new shoe…right up near the heel…the part that doesn’t touch the ground. So when Kurt knelt down at the ceremony, the people in the first couple of rows had something to read…and giggle at. “Help Me.” That’s not being nasty. That’s just having fun. Why don’t women seem to understand?
April 25th, 2016
One of the main reasons for doing my podcasts is to help you grab a grin and win. Grins are in short supply, especially in an election year. The politicians keep trying to form us into mobs so we can throw stones at the other politician’s mob. That’s nuts. And the terrorists love it. And IT’S SPRING. And it’s beautiful. And friends are having fun with friends. That’s what today’s podcast is all about. My buddy Jerry, was the best man at his brother Kurt’s wedding a little while ago. The night before the ceremony, Jerry took Kurt’s brand new shoes and used a felt pen to print the word “HELP” on the sole of Kurt’s left shoe, and the word “ME” on the sole of Kurt’s right shoe…right up near the heel…the part that doesn’t touch the ground. So when Kurt knelt down at the ceremony, the people in the first couple of rows had something to read…and giggle at. Grab a grin and win.