I was in a diner, talking with my Lady Wonder Wench when I got a sudden itch on the back of my hand. So I started scratching it with some of the stubble on my chin. That started me thinking I could do today’s podcast about how lucky I am to be a man. I can stubble scratch my hands, my arms, some of my shoulders and even parts of a leg if an itch alert happens. Women can’t do that. I like women, but they have a tough life. My lady recently had to take a mammogram. I don’t even like the word, “mammogram.” It sounds like the woman needs to squeeze her breasts into something like a pdf file, and email it to some doctor. Anyway, that’s what I decided to do. Today’s podcast is about how lucky I am to be a man. There’s some fun stuff in it, and there are some things to think about in there too.
Lots of long trips going on this weekend. Especially if you’ll be on the road you might find today’s podcast helpful. It’ll help you grab a grin, and remind you of the most important threat you can encounter on the road, and even before you get on the road.
It’s T.G.I.F. which means it’s time for one of today’s podcast’s favorite features. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s riding on your bumper out the other ear, and you can make it to the nearest rest room on the highway of your life. A company called Smarttress has made a mattress that uses sensors hooked up to an app to tell its owner if it’s in use when the owner isn’t there. Which means of course that the owner’s partner may be involved in some sneaky sexy stuff. I guess you could call it a bed bug. Oh yeah…the guy who invented it said, “You’ll never imagine how many tests we’ve done to make sure it works.” I’ll bet. If the answer is “It’s not a female moth” what is the question? Australian brewer Doug Bremmer has created a new beer using yeast grown from his own belly button lint. He says. “Yeast is yeast. This beer is no different from any other beer.” You’ve heard of a beer belly before, but now we have a belly beer. By the time the King of Siam died in 1910 he had fathered 370 children. The poor guy must have died of exhaustion. If the answer is “It’s not a female moth” the question is “What is a myth? Ok. I know an answer like that will never be a hit. So I guess I’ll settle for just a near myth. Dick’s details. They take your mind off your mind. A little housekeeping here. If you like the podcasts, or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, available at Amazon.com, or my spoken word CDs at www.dicksummer.com please tell a couple of friends. They might like them too, and you’ll be doing me a favor too. Thanks.
Caught any purple butterflies lately? It’s Spring you know…so they’re out there. Did you see that cloud that looks like George Washington that was up there for a while yesterday? How would it be if he could ride into Washington on his big white horse, and make everything work again? Did you take some time to cry while you listened to Roberta Flack sing The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face? Or maybe you danced to a little Louie Louie to make you feel like you were at a record hop again. Did you let yourself take a little time to dream today? That’s what today’s podcast is all about .
We live in a cynical age. It takes guts to admit that you’re a dreamer these days. It’s much easier to be a cynic. Cynics don’t have dreams. They have nightmares. And cynics are afraid of dreamers…I think. Actually I think they’re afraid of almost everything…that’s why they’re cynics. They think sneering is safer than dreaming. And I guess it is. Most politicians are cynics. They smile at us on TV, but we know they sneer at us when the cameras are off. Most of what they tell us is a set up. Like the set up I told you about in today’s podcast about the white snow and white clouds and white whipped cream and white polar bears that sets up most people to think cows drink milk even though they really know better. Never let a cynic set you up. As Big Louie says in my book “Staying Happy Healthy And Hot,” “You never know when something wonderful is going to happen.” Remember, cows drink water, not milk. So, as it says in the lovin touch CD, “Dream your dreams…for yourself, and for newborn babies everywhere. Make sure your Christmas eve is warm and bright. Go fly your yellow kite. Look for funny license plates all up and down the roads you’re traveling to stay in touch with people who make your life worth living. Go listen to a free concert in the park. Fall in love. And may the love you fall in last…for your forever. You never can tell when something wonderful is going to happen. Go for it.”
Today’s podcast is about a funny trip my Lady Wonder Wench and I took to see our tallest son Eric and his lady Brenda. They live in Virginia, we live in Pennsylvania, so we don’t get to see them nearly as often as we’d like. Everybody Eric meets likes him. He’s that kind of guy. He’s also very smart. You know those big amplifiers you see at rock concerts? Most of them weigh around 100 pounds, which means they’ll break your back trying to move them around from one gig to the next. Eric invented one that sounds just as good, but it weighs around 12 pounds. He’s going to be a rich guy. His web site is at Viking Amps.com if you’re interested. And when Eric married Brenda, the whole family got richer…not with money…but with such a special lady. Eric has been notified that if they ever break up, we love him, and wish him the very best, but we get to keep Brenda. Among other things, Brenda’s sense of humor matches Eric’s. As I said, when God created man he figured He could do better, so he created woman. Then he had to create humor to keep things from exploding between them. Eric and Brenda are also dreamers. I’m proud of them for that. You’ve got to have guts to be a dreamer these days. There’s a story in my lovin touch spoken word CD about dreamers.
As I was telling you in today’s podcast, I was trying to pass the time on a long drive the other day, when I remembered an old bit that I tried on my Lady Wonder Wench. It goes like this: What color is snow. What color are clouds. What color is whipped cream. What color are polar bears. Most people say snow and clouds and whipped cream and polar bears are white. Then you ask, What do cows drink.” Most people say cows drink milk, because you’ve set them up thinking about white stuff. The right answer of course is that cows drink water. To show you the kind of mind my Lady Wonder Wench uses to do battle with life, I put her actual voice in today’s podcast. Here’s how she answered the questions: Snow is yellowish grey, but sometimes it’s white. Clouds are all the colors of the rainbow. White underneath, but also yellow and pink. Polar bears are ugly. They’re dirty yellow. And cows drink…water. Of course.” That’s why after God made man, he stepped back, looked at us, and said I can do better than that, and he made women. Of course in the process, an un-intended side effect was that God made sex. Isn’t God wonderful. I think he might have done that for fun. He probably enjoys watching us as the un-intended side effects of sex take place. Bouncing, sliding around, whiplash, knee burns, totaling the bed, having trouble remembering your own name, shaking your shoes and socks off, setting off the smoke alarm, face turning purple, digging nails into your partner’s back, digging nails into your own back, blacking out, and occasionally, after an exceptional session…speaking in tongues. You know you’ve found the right lover when you find yourself wondering if it makes any real sense to ever get dressed again.
You know on a long drive you start looking for out of state license plates with silly slogans, and strange advertising billboards, and other cars like yours or other cars that are just strange? Today’s podcast is about a fascinating trip My Lady Wonder Wench and I took going to meet our tall son Eric and his Lady, Brenda halfway between their place in Virginia, and our place in Pennsylvania. We saw plenty of cars that look like ours, and one that looked like nothing I’ve ever seen. It was a vintage red Mustang with something that looked like a jet plane intake on the hood. One of the advertising signs was so clever I wrote it down. It was a home cleaning service called “One girl and her bucket.” Pretty neat. There was a billboard advertising a moving company called, “Two guys and a truck.” And you know how you sometimes kid around with each other to pass the time? I remembered an old bit that I tried on my Lady Wonder Wench. It goes like this: What color is snow. What color are clouds. What color is whipped cream. What color are polar bears. Most people say snow and clouds and whipped cream and polar bears are white. Then you ask, What do cows drink.” Most people say cows drink milk, because you’ve set them up thinking about white stuff. The right answer of course is that cows drink water of course. Lots more about this in today’s podcast.
Saturday is “Do It Day.” Gotta do everything you didn’t have time to do during the week. In my book “Staying Happy Healthy And Hot,” Big Louie…the head guy of our Louie Louie Generation says “If you’re running around tearing phone books in half, carrying your living room couch upstairs all by yourself, and doing back to back 15K charity runs…calm down. You’re in danger of wearing out your last moving part.” Take a couple of deep breaths and listen to today’s podcast.
It’s T.G.I.F. and that means it’s time for the most popular feature of today’s podcast, Dick’s Details. Some smart guy in a white lab coat who’s name I forgot made big news this week, when he claimed he found a toad that meows instead of croaking. Hell, if you’re a member of the Louie Louie Generation, you remember back in the 60s when lots of guys discovered giant spiders hanging by threads from the moon, changing shapes and colors in time with Jimmy Hendrix music. If the answer is “There must have been a fork in the road” what is the question. If Barbie Doll’s measurements were scaled up to human size, they would be 36, 18, 33. The chances of meeting a lady with those measurements are literally one in a million. The chances of her paying the least bit of attention to you if you did meet her are also about one in a million. And 35% of people participating in dating web sites are already married…at least for the time being they are married. If the answer is ”There must have been a fork in the road” the question is, “How come you got a flat tire? There must have been a fork in the road. I think I took a wrong turn with that one. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. Some quick housekeeping: If you like today’s podcast, or the spoken word CDs at dicksummer.com, or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot…available at Amazon dot com…shameless plug…please tell a couple of friends. They might like them too, and you’ll be doing me a favor. Thanks.