Dick Summer Connection

T.G.I.F. means it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s stinging your life out the other ear, and you can grab a grin and win. Tiger Wood’s caddie made $1 million a year. Guess he could easily afford a caddie. Just imagine…interesting mental picture…a caddie in a caddy. If the answer is “An aerobics class” what is the question. Don’t know do you. I’ll tell you in a minute. It says here that a humpback whale can eat 5,000 fish in a single sitting. I didn’t know a humpback whale could sit. It also says here, and I quote, “No matter how hard they try scientists cannot teach a house fly to do tricks.” I think that basically proves that some scientists have way to much time on their hands. There has to be a very interesting back story to this supposedly true item: When King Harald of Norway proposed marriage to Queen Sigrid of Denmark in 996, she had him executed…wow…talk about pms. That’s just not a good way to start a relationship. If the answer is “An aerobics class” the question is, “What has 100 legs and lives on yougurt?” My buddy Al just joined an aerobics class. He realized he needed to lose a little weight when he noticed his belly was wiggling every time he brushed his teeth. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

A little house keeping here. If you like these podcasts, or my spoken word story CDs , or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, and you’d be doing me a favor. Thanks a lot.

It’s a beautiful day, and I’m looking out at the Bull Durham swing I just put out in the front yard. I call it a Bull Durham swing because it’s the kind of swing that Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon were sitting on at the end of the movie Bull Durham. One of my favorite baseball movies. It’s in today’s podcast. It’s a beautiful day. And that swing is just sitting there. And I’m in here. In the house. Where I’ve been all winter. I’m recording this in May. It’s a beautiful day. And I just put the swing up after a long winter of storage in the shed. That’s a job that gets your attention when there’s only one person doing it. The frame is kind of heavy, and the only way to carry it by myself is holding the top of the frame up over my head as high as I can and walking it all the way over to the front of the house. Once the frame is set up, it’s time for the swing. The swing itself isn’t very heavy but it’s about six feet long which is too long and floppy for one guy to carry both ends. As I said, the shed is all the way over on the other side of the property. My Lady Wonder Wench stuck her head out the door and volunteered to help…but I said…”No…stand back woman. I can handle this.” I don’t know why guys are the way we are. But I’m getting too old to fight it. 

Today’s podcast is about my recent adventures with a wasp, that I’d just hit. Even though I hit him, he still didn’t fly off, he just sort of slowly backed away kind of daring me to follow him back to his nest…which I realized must have been the wasp nest I found in my mail box. I found it there the day before yesterday when, without looking  I just reached in for the bills and catalogs that are usually there. The nest was all the way in the back of the mailbox. He wasn’t home at the time. But naturally, when I noticed the nest, I reached in carefully and squashed it with the electric bill. Maybe he figured out it was me who did it, and he decided to get even. Those wasps are a lot smarter than we know. I think he was hanging out…lurking…I like that word…lurking…that’s what he was doing…lurking on the bush just outside my glass door, just waiting to pounce when I sat in my big, manly, comfortable poppa chair. He’ll be back I’ll bet. He’s smart, but I think some dogs are smarter. And this dog is a sly, fun loving, genius. 

Today’s podcast is about a situation that I didn’t want to become a sting operation. A 6 ton, 4 engine wasp slammed into my double pane glass front door, and sat glaring at me. I pulled in my gut, and carefully slipped outside through that skinny opening I just made. I know he saw me but he didn’t fly away. He just stood there glaring up at me and giving me a waspy center finger. I took careful aim with the bottle of wasp spray, and pushed the button…and missed. I guess he didn’t like that because he took off and flew right up at my face. I have enough problems with my face, I don’t need a sting from a four engine 6 ton wasp to make things worse. So I did the duck and dodge, and I got my hand up pretty fast, and took a swat at him…and I got him. I didn’t squash him…I just hit him away with the palm of my hand. But he still didn’t fly off. He…hovered…like a chopper…just out of reach. I’m sure it was just my imagination, but I thought I heard a tiny voice laughing. I knew for certain that he figured he was going to make it a very rough week for me. To find out how bad, take a listen to today’s podcast.

Today’s podcast is about a wasp that was giving me a waspy center finger. I am a man, and I wasn’t going to let this challenge to my masculinity pass. I keep a can of wasp spay right there by the door, because as I said we have lots of them this time of year. So I picked up the can, and very carefully opened the door…just a crack. I didn’t want him getting into the house, because if my Lady Wonder Wench saw him she would become a pink streak running into the bedroom where she would lock the door and drag her dresser in front of it and vow never to come out until I whacked that wasp… and she would insist that I slide his scalp under the door to prove it before she would come out again. To experience the shocking end of this sting operation, check out today’s podcast.

Distractions, distractions, distractions. They’re all over the place. Today’s podcast is about yesterday, when I was sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable poppa chair trying to get started on a new podcast when a four engine, 6 ton wasp hit the glass door here in my living room. I mean he hit it. I thought he was going to break the glass. He didn’t break the glass, but the whack must have made him dizzy, because he fell down, and glared up at me…and buzzed. I could hear him through the double glass door. There are a lot of wasps in our yard this time of year, and some of them don’t understand glass, so they whack into the glass door. Generally they just get up and fly away. This guy didn’t. I swear he was standing there at the bottom of the door, and glaring up at me. Now I’m not an expert at wasp anatomy, but it looked to me like he was standing on his back legs, and he raised one of his front legs and pointed it at me…I think he was giving me a waspy center finger. It was time to bring out the boxing gloves. Check today’s podcast to learn how that came out.

When you’ve had enough screwing around with your computer/smart phone for a while, come on over to today’s podcast and play Peek-A-Boo with me. It’ll teach you something about yourself. 

T.G.I.F means it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s driving you nuts out the other ear, and you can grab a grin and win. Colorado State University released a study that says, “Western civilization causes acne.” A finding that was probably the result of observing Colorado State University students.  If the answer is balderdash, what is the question. Don’t know do you. I’ll tell you in a minute.  Polls show that Republicans brush their teeth more than Democrats do. I guess that’s because Democrats feel that Republicans should brush their own teeth. The average cow farts 35 cubic feet of gas per day. Strike a match behind her, and you might get to see a cow jump over the moon. According to Middle Eastern tradition, the original forbidden fruit wasn’t an apple. It was a banana…the peel of which might explain that slip up in the garden of Eden. If the answer is balderdash, the question is what do you call a rapidly receding hair line. Balderdash. Hey…no comb overs. Just shave it all off. Then make a little smiley face on the back of your head, so you can bring a little cheer to the people behind you when you tip your hat. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. A little house keeping here. If you like these podcasts, or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, or my spoken word story CDs , please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, and you’d be doing me a favor. Thanks.

Kids love to play games. The game this kid is playing has…”limited appeal.” Today’s podcast is about a grown up version of another kid game called “Peek-A-Boo.” I think you’ll get a kick out of playing it. 

There are lots of fun, happy, and sometimes funny things going on around us all the time. In today’s podcast I was telling you there’s a sign in front of the hardware store down the street that was supposed to say something about a special on screws, but today it’s saying something about the guy who put it there instead, because a couple of the letters fell off. Now it’s pure punny poetry. How about the feeling you get when you slip a silk handkerchief into your jacket pocket? And what about the smile on a waitress’ face just because you remembered to say thank you for a lovely meal? And just now I was listening to my Lady Wonder Wench as she was laughing and snapping the bubbles on a long strip of bubble wrap. I know the world has problems. And you have problems. And I have problems. But as Big Louie the head guy of the Louie Louie Generation always says…In troubled times like these it’s important to remember that there have always been troubled times like these. We’re going to be ok if we just remember to grab a grin and win.