Dickie-Quickie

September 14th, 2014

Want a free download of my lovin touch spoken word CD ? It’s an “End of Summer” gift. This week only. See the blog just before this for details.  No strings attached. Just send me an email – dick@dicksummer.com

Goodbye Sweet Summer

September 13th, 2014

Summer is a woman. Hot, sexy, wild, hazy, soft, flashy, and dangerous when wet. She can be full of stings and bites…but she’s also endlessly beautiful, satin smooth, fragrant, sweaty, and instantly changeable. But what a time to be alive. Summer has stars in her eyes, her song is thunder, and crickets and surf. She wears flowers and newly cut grass for her perfume. And her nights sweat with flexing, moonlit naked passion. Summer is such a time to be alive. And where the heck did this summer go ? The lazy, crazy, hazy days of Summer…with the under the boardwalk nights, watching the fireworks…and making some of our own…and the most beautiful girls in the world in their summer dresses…and walking in the sand. There’s still some time left, but as Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation always says: “Life is like a giant roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end the faster it goes.” Time to grab a share of the Summer love you’ve got coming to you…now…it’s going by pretty fast.

Summer is my woman. I’m about to miss her…terribly. Before you know it, the witches and hobgoblins will be running around, then the turkey trick or treaters, and soon enough, Jack Frost’s snow and ice will be nipping at your nose. In some small way  I want  to help you to remember Summer like a Summer lover too. So let me give you a “Where did the summer go” gift…for this week only. There’s a story in my lovin touch spoken word CD about Summer loving. It’s called, “Losers.” It’s also in the current podcast. So to help you remember Summer till the forsythia bloom again in the Spring, and the grass turns green, and the wind is warm in your hair, I’ll send you the lovin touch personal audio album via a download…free. No strings attached. Just drop me a note at Dick@DickSummer.com. Just this one week only…then it goes back to CD Baby and Amazon for distribution and sale. When you get the album, if you want to share it with friends, go ahead. But please don’t sell it. Also if you feel like it, I’d appreciate it if you’d tell Amazon.com what you think. But you don’t have to do that if you don’t have the time/inclination. No strings. Free gift.

The lovin touch CD is important to me. For a while, I told those stories on the radio. Many of them are based on things that happened with my Lady Wonder Wench. When you’re on the radio, you tell your stories, and then you forget them. But she didn’t forget them. We were many miles apart, but she could hear the radio station. So she listened and took them down in shorthand, then typed them out and saved them. That’s how the Random House lovin touch books were born. More importantly to me, they were the only connection we had to bridge the hundreds of miles between us. It’s a long story, some of which you’ll find in the last chapter in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. As you know, connections are two way streets and people are very busy. So these are very short stories…most of them are about two and a half minutes each…and if they’re doing what I hope they’ll do, you’ll want to supply your own conclusions to each of them. Again there are no strings to this “End of Summer” celebration gift. I’m not developing some list to bother you with endless-mindless emails in the future. I’m a lousy business man. I don’t keep lists. This is just a “Remember Summer” gift. If you want it, send me an email: Dick@DickSummer.com .

 “The Summer has inhaled, and held its breath too long,” is a line from a great old song. A line from another great song goes, “It’s a long, long time, from May to December. And the days grow short, as you reach September.” As Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie generation always says about this time of year, “Enjoy what’s left…before your birthday suit needs a pressing, and the candles cost more than your birthday cake.”

I have a date tonight with my Lady Wonder Wench. We’re going to a nice restaurant, and a show. She’s lovely in her loose fitting, blue, cotton, Summer dress. She has been endlessly beautiful, warm and loving in my life, just like the Summer. And I must admit I think I look dashing in my gold lame loin cloth and purple ostrich feather. I hope they don’t spoil the effect at the restaurant by making me put on a jacket.

Dickie-Quickie

September 13th, 2014

You guys won’t like to hear the results of a recent big survey that made it into this week’s podcast: 1- 95% of women admit they have lied to their husbands/boyfriends/lovers. 2- 60% of women are sure their mates can’t tell they’re lying. 3- 49% say they have lied about some interest in another guy. 4- 44% have lied to you because they’re jealous of your ex. 5- 36% say they fake it in the sack. 6-30% have lied about keeping their ex on the string in case it doesn’t work out with you.

Before you say, “AH HA…I KNEW IT”…listen, “Crunchy Peanut Butter Breath,” I’m willing to bet the numbers for guys would be even worse. Remember the words of Big Louie…his own bad self…”Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer…and lie to his boss about being sick, and lie to his girl about not being in the least bit interested in porn .”

Dickie-Quickie

September 12th, 2014

Disturbingly…after decades together…as I mentioned in this week’s podcast, my Lady Wonder Wench has left me…for a week. I must constantly remind myself that Louie-Louie Generation guys are not helpless. As long as we have TV dinners, a microwave oven, crunchy peanut butter and jelly… and bread… and instant coffee… we will survive. But no matter how loud I turn up the music… damn it’s quiet around here …and her furry slippers with the crunched heels are staring at me… and I keep forgetting what time it is. But I know she’ll be back…so it’s ok…sorta.

Dickie-Quickie

September 11th, 2014

This week’s podcast will put some rain in your mind…and you’ll actually get to see it.

Dickie-Quickie

September 10th, 2014

What did the Louie Louie Lad do when he noticed his beautiful girlfriend’s eyes lit up and she began to tremble with delight and anticipation? Find out at www.dicksummer.com/podcast 

Dickie-Quickie

September 9th, 2014

While my Lady Wonder Wench has been away, I have looked at other women. LOOKED, not peeked…and not touched. As I mentioned in this week’s podcast, Big Louie, his own bad self, charges all Louie-Louie Generation guys with the duty of aiding suffering womanhood. Too many guys pretend to ignore a woman. Big L. says that’s insulting and wasteful. When a woman passes a Louie- Louie Generation guy, Big Louie says we should look and enjoy the sight…even if the woman is only a 22 year old super-model who is just hoping she will eventually ripen into a Louie-Louie Lady. Don’t leer. But take a long, appreciative look. If you just peek, she’ll ignore you. But look long and assertively…and she will smile and think, “what a nice man.” I think it’s best to nod your head approvingly, and VERY quietly say something like “oh-wow.” Her self esteem will soar…she will glow and expand…and so will you. Incredibly, only 13% of American young women think they’re beautiful…which proves to me that young American men are idiots. Louie-Louie Generation guys …to the rescue.

Dickie-Quickie

September 8th, 2014

Maybe the last gentle rain of the summer is on this week’s podcast. Rain pulls you inside yourself. An interesting way for you to feel who you really are.

Dickie-Quickie

September 7th, 2014

Nobody really likes to go walking in the rain. Do they ? Rain does funny things to my head. How about you?

I’m Lonesome Tonight

September 6th, 2014

I’m sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room, remembering one of the oldest bits known to Louie Louie Lads and Ladies: “What do you get when you play a country song backwards?” Answer: You get your dog back; you get your pickup truck back; and you get your girl back.”  I want my girl back. As you probably know, there is an equally old blues theme: “She sneaked over to the cheating part of town, and she threw my heart into the deep blue sea.” Disturbingly…after decades together…my Lady Wonder Wench has left me…for a week. My heart’s pretty much ok. It’s definitely not taking on deep-blue-sea- water, but my stomach is growling, as are various associated Viagral parts. I must constantly remind myself that Louie-Louie Generation guys are not helpless. As long as we have TV dinners, a microwave oven, crunchy peanut butter and jelly… and bread… and instant coffee… we will survive. But no matter how loud I turn up the music… damn it’s quiet around here …and her furry slippers with the crunched heels are staring at me… and I keep forgetting what time it is. But I know she’ll be back…so it’s ok…sorta.

I’m also not dumb, so I know I’ve been the luckiest guy I’ve ever heard of with my Lady Wonder Wench. She was beautiful when she signed up with me, and since then, she’s turned that up to stun. She’s a mother and friend to our kids and their kids…and she was my mom and dad’s best friend. When I got fired at WNBC, and I decided to swap a six figure salary for a start up Hypnotherapy practice which took a while to clear the rent, she kept the office and my head straight. She’s the star of just about everything I write…and almost everything I think about. It’s only for about a week…and she sure deserves the time off from me…so it’s…sorta…ok. Sorta.

As Proud Pod Cast Participant Jim King says, “Don’t worry…be happy.” Then he gives some good reasons why men are usually happier than women. For example: We can’t get pregnant. Car mechanics tell us the truth. We don’t have to stop and think about which way to turn a nut or bolt. People don’t stare at our chests when they talk with us. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. We can open our own jars. We can play with toys all our lives. Yes…no wonder men are usually happier than women. (Thanks, Jim.)

I think the problem is timing. She picked a rainy week to go. Not a hurricane or tornado…nothing dramatic…just a gentle late summer rain which seems like it’s been going on every day and night. It makes you want to sing that song from when you were a kid…”It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring.” Rain pulls you inside yourself.

If you get a chance, go listen to http://www.dicksummer.com/podcast I hung a microphone under the ledge on my back deck while I did the recording so you could hear the rain. If you listen to that rain, then close your eyes you’ll “see” some rain with your eyes closed, because you’ll rev your memory motor. The rain your ears are hearing is my backyard rain. But the rain you’re seeing behind your closed eyes is rain you remember…which means it’s uniquely your rain. That’s the kind of thing I loved to do on the radio…give you something of mine, that got something of yours revved up. Lots of times it was something I was feeling…like lonesome when my Lady Wonder Wench is gone.

I loved being on the radio. I did some TV too, but I really loved radio. I loved the laughs, the huddle, and the cuddle. We had lots of laughs, and when things got tough and scary…like when a hurricane was whipping around, or when the president got shot, or the bad guys hit our buildings and our people…I called a huddle…just like a football huddle. I gathered my listeners around and we protected each other, and we laid plans to win “the game” and beat “the bad guys.” And I especially liked the occasional cuddle…sometimes I felt like I was in a crying lady’s bedroom, and I got to hold her and console her…and sometimes it was a guy who really needed a friendly arm around the shoulder and maybe a slightly off color joke. Radio was a connection…the laughs, the huddle and the cuddle. I loved it. And I love a gentle late summer rain. You can’t keep that kind of rain out of your head…even if you wear a hat…or you stay indoors. It makes you quiet…unless…you mix a gentle summer rain with some laughs and somebody you love. Guess I don’t have to tell you that I’m really looking forward to seeing my Lady Wonder Wench again.

Dick’s Details Quiz – All answers are available in the current podcast at www.dicksummer.com/podcast

1- Why did Johnny Depp and the Pirates of the Caribbean have BOTH ears pierced?

2- What’s the possible problem with how the condoms and the bubble gum are now displayed in most drug stores?

3- What did the Louie-Louie guy do when he noticed his beautiful girlfriend’s eyes light up and her whole body tremble with delight and anticipation?

Scoring:

3 – right – your only competition is Tom Cruise and he’s way too short for your girl…unless he’s sitting on his wallet.

2- right – your baby didn’t really leave you in the classic sense. She’ll be back. In a week or so. And you’ll probably survive. Barely.

1- right – It’s ok because you do know how to cook TV dinners, and you’re an expert crunchy peanut butter and jelly chef.

0 – right – She cut your heart out with a spoon before she sneaked over to the cheating side of town, to throw it in the deep blue sea.

If you’re in the least bit concerned about your Louie-Louie Lady, you won’t like to hear the results of a recent big survey which said: 1- 95% of women admit they have lied to their husbands/boyfriends/lovers. 2- 60% of women are sure their mates can’t tell they’re lying. 3- 49% say they have lied about some interest in another guy. 4- 44% have lied to you because they’re jealous of your ex. 5- 36% say they fake it in the sack. 6-30% have lied about keeping their ex on the string in case it doesn’t work out with you.

Before you say, “AH HA…I KNEW IT”…listen, “Crunchy Peanut Butter Breath,” I’m willing to bet the numbers for guys would be even worse. Remember the words of Big Louie…his own bad self…”Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer…and lye to his boss about being sick, and lye to his girl about not being in the least bit interested in porn .”

And I won’t lie. While my Lady Wonder Wench has been away, I have looked at other women. LOOKED, not peeked…and not touched. Big Louie, his own bad self, charges all Louie-Louie Generation guys with the duty of aiding suffering womanhood. Too many guys pretend to ignore a woman. Big L. says that’s insulting and wasteful. When a woman passes a Louie- Louie Generation guy, Big Louie says we should look and enjoy the sight…even if the woman is only a 22 year old super-model who is just hoping she will eventually ripen into a Louie-Louie Lady. Don’t leer. But take a long, appreciative look. If you just peek, she’ll ignore you. But look long and assertively…and she will smile and think, “what a nice man.” I think it’s best to nod your head approvingly, and VERY quietly say something like “oh-wow.” Her self esteem will soar…she will glow and expand…and so will you. Incredibly, only 13% of American young women think they’re beautiful…which proves to me that young American men are idiots. Louie-Louie Generation guys …to the rescue.

Got a comment or suggestion? Please either post it below, where you see the word “comment,” or Email me at Dick@dicksummer.com. I’ll have plenty of time to read your emails till I play my favorite Dolly Parton country song backwards and my Lady comes home.