April 25th, 2015
Lady Wonder Wench had some observations about the current podcast:
It’s not that he hears strange sounds in the night. After all, who (or what) would bother to come find us here in the very middle of trees, trees, trees? We have two foxes now, and I know for a fact that one is a female. Is she going to teach her young cubs to “listen for sounds in the night” so they can be curious and investigate? No.She (and I) will teach all who listen to pay attention to the slightest inkling of a sound and . . . . run like hell if there’s the slightest chance there may be a hunter with a gun – or a skunk on the rampage – or a bandito from the minimum-security facility several hills away – or even, heaven forbid, a really, REALLY serious problem with our one means of escape from disaster: MY CAR!!!
April 24th, 2015
One of the fun things in the podcasts each week is Dick’s Details. Here’s this week’s version:
The smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that it’s possible to become addicted to being angry. They should call that “Twitter-itis.” If the answer is “Rubberneck” what’s the question. More smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that negative experiences have greater impact on the brain than positive ones. I think that’s because when we have a really negative experience we tend to pound our heads on the nearest hard object. STATISTIC: On average, moose cause 12 car accidents a day. So for heaven sake, don’t let your pet moose drive your car. Oh yeah, if the answer is “Rubberneck” the question is “What can you do to help your wife relax.” Dick’s details, they take your mind off your mind.
If you like the podcasts or blogs, I’d appreciate it if you’d tell some friends. That’s the best way to make new friends.
April 23rd, 2015
I had a wonderful, erotic, pillow chewing dream starring my Lady wonder Wench the other night. I told you about it in the current podcast. It was the night that something went “bump” loud enough to wake me up. While my Lady Wonder Wench was wearing anything in the dream, it was a very form fitting black silk dress. We were in Japan with nothing to do but sight see…and nobody could see us. We were invisible except to each other…but other people could hear us. A little like being on the radio I guess. We went lots of places and did exactly what we wanted to do in all of them…and we did it very enthusiastically. And occasionally we must have made some noises that the people around us could hear. I can remember the puzzled look on the face of a guy while we were doing what we were doing in the deli isle of a supermarket. He looked right through us, because we were invisible to him. Then he tried to look nonchalant as he went over to the young lady behind the counter and said something that made her blush… but I think she looked quite pleased. Then he went into some back room…still trying to look nonchalant, and about 30 seconds later she went into the same back room…in a bit of a hurry I thought. And that’s when I thought I heard something go bump in the night. Hmmm. I wonder if maybe the bump that woke me up came out of that back room…in that dream?
April 22nd, 2015
Big Louie, his own bad self, the star of my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot has this advice. He says, “Never give advice.” I think that’s good advice. But look at history. In the beginning, God created the earth, and then He rested. That’s history. Then God created man, and then he rested. More history. Then God created woman, and since then neither God nor men have ever rested. History, history, history. Histroy is a big barrel of minutes. You can get a lot done in a minute. A friend of mine had only just one hot, insane, electric moment with a woman. It was a minute that branded them both for all the years of the rest of their lives. You can get a lot done in a minute. The rest of this story is in this week’s podcast.
April 21st, 2015
This week’s podcast is about things that go bump in the night. Strange midnight noises. My Lady Wonder Wench doesn’t hear noises in her sleep, but she does when she’s awake. We were driving last week and she said “What’s that?…that funny noise?” We were in the middle of a rush hour traffic jam, and she wanted to know if I heard a funny noise. I didn’t hear a thing. She said, “You should take the car down next week and have it looked at.” I said “Have what looked at you can’t look at a noise.” She rolled her eyes very loud at me, and she said, “Don’t try to be funny, please take it down and have the car checked over.” Like most guys I said “Yeah. Sure. Funny noise.” So I was out driving over the weekend and I heard a funny noise. But it was pretty distinct this time. It sounded like either a fender falling off or the engine breaking loose. I took it to Mr. Goodwrench and he said what’s the problem. If I knew what the problem was why would I be standing there. But a guy can’t say, I hear this funny noise, so I said, “There may be a problem in the front bearings.” He said, “How do you know?” What was I going to say? I said, “My wife said she heard this funny noise. I never drive this car, but that’s what she said.” He said, “Funny noise huh?” I said, “Yeah, you know how they are.” He said, “Yeah. My wife heard a funny noise last week. It was the transmission. Very expensive.” Then he gives me a sad look and writes, “Funny noise” on the work order, and says “Sign here.” He called back a little later and said, “We can’t make the car make any funny noises.” I was tempted to say, “Would you please get a second opinion. Maybe your wife could talk to my wife.”
April 20th, 2015
This week’s podcast is about things that go bump in the night. I don’t know why I sometimes hear sounds in the middle of the night, and I don’t know if anybody else hears them either. I miss some sounds these days… like the click of the TV set’s channel dial, and the cha-ching of an old time cash register, typewriter keys hitting paper, the spin of a rotary dial on a telephone, the telephone bell, the faintly crackling sound of a needle on a vinal record….I was talking to our grand daughter Cassie a while ago, and I used the expression “Like a broken record.” She said, “What does that mean.” I said it means endless repetition, like when a record is scratched and it keeps repeating over and over again. She said, “Oh, like a corrupted MP3 file. Yeah. I guess.
April 19th, 2015
I was having a wonderful erotic dream last night, when something went BUMP! I leaped out of bed, throwing my back out of whack, bit my upper lip so I wouldn’t yell something the Lord wouldn’t want to hear, hit my head on Mr. Floor which made my world spin backwards a couple of turns, and woke up my Lady Wonder Wench who said something that sounded like “Gezorninplatz” which I think might mean “It’s 4 AM, what the hell are you doing?” I said, “shhhh” as I grabbed my 12 gauge, and stumbled out into the hall on prowler patrol. The story is right here in today’s podcast.
April 18th, 2015
This is what my Lady Wonder Wench wrote in response to my No Dogs Allowed podcast:
Disney and Holiday occasionally visit our hilltop. There are well-loved dogs (and cats) in most of our lives, and the Louie Louie Lad’s memories of Whistle and his reasons for not wanting to let go again are very solid. But there have been animals of all kinds in my life (not counting the two-legged kind, of course), and I refuse to stop loving Tali <a horse I bought when he was born and who is now preparing to go to the 2017 Olympics for Great Britain> because I had to lose Faran, my lovely, inquisitive grey Thoroughbred. Happy the dog was always just that – happy. And Lady was as arrogant as any collie could be. I wouldn’t try to replace either of them, but I know an Australian sheepdog who goes ballistic with delight every time she sees me. And you can’t buy the feel of a raspy tongue attacking your face to say hello.
As for the battery-operated puppy the Lad gave me, he’s cute, gang, but he doesn’t smile at me and wriggle with pleasure if I notice him. Hmmm. . . the Lad does, though . . .
April 17th, 2015
Lots of comments to email@example.com about the current podcast, No Dogs Allowed. Thanks for your thoughts. The real reason I don’t want another dog is at the end of the podcast. It goes like this:
A long time ago, when I was a kid, I watched my dog Whistle chase his tail for about ten minutes, and I remembered thinking how easily a dog is entertained chasing his tail for ten minutes. Then Big Louie reached out of my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, and reminded me that speaking about being easily entertained, I had watched a dog chase his tail for ten minutes. Kind of puts things into perspective. We sometimes don’t give dogs credit for some intelligence. You know that a very healthy dog has a very cold nose. Maybe that’s why when a very healthy dog walks into a room, all the smart dogs sit down…right away.
All kidding aside, I really don’t want a dog right now…or ever again. Whistle was my dog when I was about 7 years old. He was my pal. I had to watch him die. I’ve never been able to figure out why such a good and loving God would give a kid a pal to love, and then take him away. And then as I grew older, and I grew and more and more in love with my Lady…well…maybe if you’re getting a little older too…and you’re lucky enough to have someone in your life you love a lot…maybe…you’ll understand.
April 16th, 2015
A long time ago, when I was a kid, I watched my dog Whistle chase his tail for about ten minutes, and I remembered thinking how easily a dog is entertained chasing his tail for ten minutes. Then Big Louie reached out of my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, and reminded me that speaking about being easily entertained, I had watched a dog chase his tail for ten minutes. Kind of puts things into perspective. We sometimes don’t give dogs credit for some intelligence. You know that a very healthy dog has a very cold nose. Maybe that’s why when a very healthy dog walks into a room, all the smart dogs sit down…right away. BUT…no more dogs for me. Here’s why: