Good Night Podcast
"Good Night" puts a smile on your face, tells you a bedtime story, chucks the day's problems, gives you a verbal back rub and tucks you in for a safe, sound, good night's sleep.
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Episode 573Nov 12, 2017Midnight Fantasies
Black lace falling quietly on a soft carpet, touch me looks flicking across rooms, warm hands in sensitive places, a lover's key turning in a lock...fantasies. That's what this podcast is about. Fantasies are the difference between underpants and a thong. Have a fantasy with us.
Episode 572Nov 05, 2017More Stories
I love sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room. It's a safe place to tell you some of my favorite stories. If I tried telling you some of them in person, you might be tempted to tell me to stop bothering you and go play some old Louie Louie Generation appropriate games...like walk scotch, hide and go sleep, or spin the hot water bottle. You might even want to attach a banana peel to the tip of my cane. But ha...I don't have a cane. But I do have some stories.
Here's one of my favorites. Once upon a time there was a scientist who cloned himself. One afternoon, the restless clone sneaked out of the lab, and ran down to a subway station, where he flashed all the passengers. When the scientist heard about it, he ran down to the subway station and ordered the perverted clone to stop flashing people. That scared the clone so badly because he had never seen the scientist so upset. He got so scared that he lost his balance and fell off the platform, right into the path of an oncoming subway train. Just then, the Transit Cops arrived and arrested the scientist for...making an obscene clone fall. THAT...is a terrible face you're making. Keep making faces like that and the next time you smile you could get a facial Charley Horse.
Episode 571Oct 29, 2017National Breast Awareness Month
Some of you have been listening to these podcasts for a while, so you will have some understanding of the testosterone tsunami that shook me today. This is no kidding. I saw a sign outside a medical building today that said..."This is National Breast Awareness month." My Lady Wonder Wench was driving, and in an instant I understood that old psychological precept: "Your unconscious mind is much faster than your conscious mind." My big mouth was connected to my unconscious mind at the time and it let out some kind of noise that sounded like "YYEEEHHHAAA STOP." My conscious mind would have shut my big mouth. My unconscious mind was faster. And it was really no competition. When I yelled, "Stop." My Lady Wonder Wench hit the brakes, the tires shrieked and smoked, our heads just missed the windshield and the cars behind us blew a car horn symphony.
It was clearly time for confession. But when I explained that I just needed her to take my picture in front of that sign that said it was National Breast Awareness month, she did a 360 degree eye roll right out loud, said something she knew wasn't true about my mother and father's marital status when I was born, hit the gas and drove us home in what might best be described as a vast, fast, frozen silence. That's frozen cold...as in distant. Very distant.
I have never understood how even women like Lady Wonder Wench who are blessed with a good sense of humor can't understand the kind of pictures guys get in our minds when we see a sign that says this is National Breast Awareness month. It's like fart jokes. Ladies don't think fart jokes are funny either. After decades of research I've finally developed a fart joke that makes my Lady laugh no matter how hard she tries not to. I just look her in the eye and very quickly I say, "Fart, fart, fart." It works every time. Try it on your lady.
Episode 570Oct 22, 2017Fantasies
Fantasies turn underwear into lingerie. Fantasies turn ordinary men and women into heroic movie stars, or dreadful villains. More importantly fantasies turn a relationship into a romance. A relationship builds over time, a romance just explodes. And a fantasy is usually the spark that ignites the explosion.
Like lots of our friends my Lady Wonder Wench and I have been together for a long time. It has been good...and comfortable...living together. Comfortable is good. But it's also risky. The risk is that if we aren't careful, the spark that ignited the explosion that changed our relationship into our romance can get lost behind all the trivia that piles up as the years go by. No spark...no explosion. No explosion...no romance.
Episode 569Oct 15, 2017Still Pulling An All Nighter
I'm sitting here in my big, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room ...and it's so comfortable. Not at all like the hard chairs and harsh fluorescent lights I remember from when I was doing the all night shows at WBZ and WNEW and WNBC.
There were good things and bad things about being on the air all night. One of the bad things was there weren't many people listening, but one of the good things was that the people who were listening were really listening. It wasn't just some kind of background noise like daytime radio tends to be.
And I remember that I had my own way of dealing with problems in those days. When the little voice in my head said, "You're going to regret saying this in the morning," I always said it anyway. Because I figured nobody could give me a hard time in the morning if I just slept late the next day. I felt that was one way to be a problem solver. No regrets. And I could sleep any time I had the time in those days...actually in those nights. Even while I was on the air. Sometimes much to the dismay of the tech on duty at the control board at about 3AM, I even took a quickie nap while a long song like Arlo Guthrie's "Alice's Restaurant" or Iron Butterfly's "In A Gadda Da Vida" was playing.
In those days...actually in those over nights...sleep was never a problem. Sleep was my little personal friend. I used to tell people, "The reason your eyes water when you yawn when you're awake, is that you miss your friendly little bed, and that makes you sad."
Episode 568Oct 08, 2017Angels Again
Angela is a special lady. My Lady Wonder Wench and I have known her for a long time. I call her "Angels." She has a problem with the beast right now. She can use whatever prayers and/or positive power thoughts you can send her. Today's podcast will give you an idea of the funny way we met. "Angels" is a good, tough, Brooklyn lady. If anybody can beat the beast, it's Angels. Please help. She's special.
Episode 567Oct 01, 2017Bunches Of Hunches
I'm guessing that just from the sound of my voice, you can tell where I'm recording this podcast. That's not a hunch, it's a guess. Because I've given you lots of hints over the years. There's a difference between a hunch and a guess. A guess has a lot of figuring out involved. A hunch just hits you. If I thought I had a shot at having my Lady Wonder Wench join me for a night of passion all those years ago based on the fact that she was smiling at me lot, twiddling with her hair, and standing very close to me that would be a good guess. That's not what happened. I took one look at her and my head exploded. That was what you could call a major league hunch. No figuring out at all.
There are bunches of important hunches in our lives that we usually don't notice. Lots of times it's because we tend to look at life through the wrong end of a telescope. For example, the stats say around a half of American marriages don't work out. That's awful. But take a closer look through the other end of that same telescope. According to that same stat, around half of American marriages DO work.
Episode 566Sep 24, 2017Exceptional Beats Perfect
I am sitting here in my exceptionally comfortable and manly black leather poppa chair in my living room. It now has a small streaky spot on the left arm rest where I spilled a little coffee a few mornings ago. So it is now exceptional as opposed to perfect. It's like lots of you who are listening to this podcast right now...many of you are also exceptional, but you're not perfect. And that's good. Because nobody is perfect, and you are not a nobody.
Episode 565Sep 17, 2017My Lust Lion
I am once again sitting here in my big, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, and let me tell you it's a lot more comfortable than the seat at gate D15 at Philadelphia airport where I was stuck a few weeks ago because of another cancelled flight. I told you a few podcasts back that the airlines are screaming for pilots because 96% of American pilots are guys, and in the last 30 years, young guys have had a 52% drop in testosterone which as you know is a key ingredient in being a guy. And although women don't have much testosterone, they have mostly estrogen which seems plentiful enough, but they aren't stepping up to fill the gap. They're not becoming pilots. And that's a major reason the airlines keep cancelling flights. Not enough pilots.
Lots of people are making sex pretty complicated these days, and God bless them too. But not me. I like the simple fact that I'm one sex and my Lady Wonder Wench is the other. I'm a simple guy. I'm a simple guy but I have some complicated parts. I also explained a few podcasts ago about my lower reptilian brain. Everybody has a lower reptilian brain, including you. Even if you're a woman. That's one of the very few things I know about women. They have a lower reptilian brain just like guys do.
Scientists say your lower reptilian brain is part of your limbic system. I like to think of mine as kind of a friendly little wee beastie. I call my wee beastie lower reptilian brain Rumplestilskin Pharfenugen. Pharf for short. In case you slept through brain surgery class, your lower reptilian brain is responsible for some of the biggest troubles you get into. Instead of being just a wee beastie, your lower reptilian brain sometimes becomes a WHEE Beastie. That's when you hear guys saying things like, "Watch this". And "Bring itâ€¦let's see what you've gotâ€¦bring it" to the biggest guy in the bar. And "Hello my dear. Your place or mine?"