Good Night Podcast
"Good Night" puts a smile on your face, tells you a bedtime story, chucks the day's problems, gives you a verbal back rub and tucks you in for a safe, sound, good night's sleep.
There are several ways to hear Dick’s Good Night Podcast.
If you'd prefer, you can listen to any episode below, without subscribing.
Episode 565Sep 17, 2017My Lust Lion
I am once again sitting here in my big, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, and let me tell you it's a lot more comfortable than the seat at gate D15 at Philadelphia airport where I was stuck a few weeks ago because of another cancelled flight. I told you a few podcasts back that the airlines are screaming for pilots because 96% of American pilots are guys, and in the last 30 years, young guys have had a 52% drop in testosterone which as you know is a key ingredient in being a guy. And although women don't have much testosterone, they have mostly estrogen which seems plentiful enough, but they aren't stepping up to fill the gap. They're not becoming pilots. And that's a major reason the airlines keep cancelling flights. Not enough pilots.
Lots of people are making sex pretty complicated these days, and God bless them too. But not me. I like the simple fact that I'm one sex and my Lady Wonder Wench is the other. I'm a simple guy. I'm a simple guy but I have some complicated parts. I also explained a few podcasts ago about my lower reptilian brain. Everybody has a lower reptilian brain, including you. Even if you're a woman. That's one of the very few things I know about women. They have a lower reptilian brain just like guys do.
Scientists say your lower reptilian brain is part of your limbic system. I like to think of mine as kind of a friendly little wee beastie. I call my wee beastie lower reptilian brain Rumplestilskin Pharfenugen. Pharf for short. In case you slept through brain surgery class, your lower reptilian brain is responsible for some of the biggest troubles you get into. Instead of being just a wee beastie, your lower reptilian brain sometimes becomes a WHEE Beastie. That's when you hear guys saying things like, "Watch this". And "Bring itâ€¦let's see what you've gotâ€¦bring it" to the biggest guy in the bar. And "Hello my dear. Your place or mine?"
Episode 564Sep 10, 2017Wind Your Watch
Please keep this podcast around for the next time you get so OUTRAGED that you're tempted to do something you'll regret. "Wind your watch" Mike said...between clenched teeth. Mike was my first flight instructor all those decades ago. His teeth were clenched because I had the plane stalled. It was pointed straight down and it was starting to spin, and I was reaching like a mad man for buttons and switches and pulling on levers...instead of THINKING.
Mike was teaching me a pilot saying that goes: "When you notice that one wing just fell off, the first thing to do is to wind your watch." It's a reminder that it's not a good idea to just throw a bunch of switches and pull a lot of levers until you take a breath, and actually understand what needs to be done...THEN DO IT.
Remembering to wind your watch is one way to break the momentum of fear, and it gives you a chance to get things back under reasoned control. It was a hard lesson well learned. Thanks Mike. Mike probably had to wind his watch at least ten times to keep from just grabbing the controls that day.
I think we're at a "Wind your watch" time in America right now. This never was, isn't now, and never will be a political podcast. I don't like politics. I mentioned a few podcasts ago, that "Politics" is a "Fortune cookie word." You can break open a fortune cookie word, and read the message inside. Break the word "Politics" apart and you get "Poli" which means many, and "Ticks" which are small blood sucking insects. In many cases the message inside the word politics fits lots of folks in Washington very well.
Episode 563Sep 03, 2017Getting Over Growing Up
I am sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room...enjoying the fact that I have gotten over GROWING UP. That's a surprising statement from a guy who spent most of his life fooling around on the radio. So what made me say it? I figured out a little test for how you can tell you're getting over growing up today, and I passed it. Here's what I mean.
Can I open my own peanut butter jars? Yes. Do I really understand how my car is going to get through a tiny little tunnel way up the road ahead? Yes. Can I can buy all the toys I want...within reason? Yes. Just no personal jets. And I can recognize that even if there are nasty things under my bed, I'm not afraid to go to sleep. And speaking about being afraid, I have come to the definite conclusion that it is better to be scared than to be bored. I have far more often regretted what I didn't do than what I did do in getting over growing up.
Episode 562Aug 27, 2017Too Sexy For Studies
No, no, no, no. I do not believe this report from Harvard University. I'm trying hard not to fall out of my big, manly, black leather poppa chair while I'm laughing from reading this thing. This report says "Posting views on Facebook and other social media sites delivers a powerful reward to the brain similar to the pleasure from food and sex." No, no, no guys...that may be true...but only if you have food and sex while you're wearing your fully buttoned up, tight fitting white lab coat.
There is something wrong with that study. And there are all kinds of studies like that these days. Dr. Gay Guzinski, M.D. of the American College of Obstetricians published a study just now that says, "Women who are multi orgasmic can and do remain so for their entire lives." So how does he know that? The only way he would know that for sure is if he spends way too many nights working late with his intern whose name is Desiree. It's all in the name of science...of course.
Doctors, doctors, doctors...un-button your tight fitting white lab coats and try the experiment again following Dr. Guzinski's lead. I think you will find that when you have wandered into a ladies' erogenous zone, she will often smile, purr, and writhe all at once. And I guarantee you'll notice that. Some ladies even say something in a romance language...something like "WHOOPIE."
Episode 561Aug 20, 2017Lower Reptillian Brain
My lower reptilian brain just went on maximum overload red alert, sitting here in my big, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room. Actually my fanny is sitting here in the chair, it was my brain that just exploded. That happens fairly frequently when I watch the day's news on TV.
It's the kicker stories at the end of the newscasts that get to me. Riots, threats of nuclear war, and another politician caught where his hand shouldn't be...maybe in a financial cookie jar, or on a lady's personal anatomy...I can deal with those things. But it's the stories at the end of the newscasts that sometimes light the fuse on my lower reptilian brain. As you probably know, they're called kickers.
Here's one from today: "A new medical report says many men are having allergic reactions to a certain brand of latex condom. The allergic reaction causes severe swelling" My lower reptilian brain keeps yelling..."So what's the problem"...a condom causes swelling. At my age that could be a benefit.
Here's another. "Young men are 4 times more likely than young women to get kidney stones." Right. More injustice. Young men get kidney stones, young women get diamonds. See what I mean? Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are a man's best friend. "27% of Facebook users say they have checked their facebook page while using the bathroom." My lower reptilian brain keeps telling me if that percentage ever exceeds 50% we should perhaps no longer call it FACEbook.
Everybody has a lower reptilian brain. Including you. Scientists say your lower reptilian brain is part of your limbic system. I like to think of mine as kind of a friendly little wee beastie. I call my wee beastie Rumplestilskin Pfarfenugen. Pfarf for short. Pfarf causes problems for me sometimes.
Episode 560Aug 13, 2017Sex and Your Airline Flight
My flight out of Philly just got cancelled, and I think the cancellation was caused by Sex. They claim it's due to mechanical problems, but I think the reason just might be sex.
Lots of flights these days are cancelled because of sex. It has nothing to do with something going on in the bathroom of the pilot's lounge between the hunky pilot and a sexy flight attendant. It has to do with testosterone...or the lack of it.
Testosterone is a key ingredient for guy-hood. And I think that might really be why my flight was just cancelled. Here's what I mean. 96% of the approximately 600,000 American pilots are guys. And in the last 30 years American men have had a 52% drop in testosterone. That's not a sexist statement, it's a medical statistic. The airlines are screaming for pilots. They're beginning to cancel more and more flights, because some picky-picky passengers still prefer flying in airplanes with pilots in the cockpit.
Episode 559Aug 06, 2017Figuring Things Out
I'm sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room, trying to figure things out. Things like "Why is everybody always taking selfies these days?" Could it be that it's because nobody else is interested? What would be a completely safe security question? How about "What is the meaning of life?" If we're not supposed to have midnight snacks, how come a light comes on when you open the refrigerator door? Why should we want to save the planet? How about because this is where we keep all our stuff, including our lovers, our chocolate and our beer. What does the word MATH stand for? Could it be Mental Abuse To Humans? What kind of answer would you get if you really did ask your doctor if the advice you got from a TV commercial was right for you? If the system isn't broken, does that mean it's fixed? How can we say no to negativity? And how come there aren't many well behaved people in the history books? Give the podcast a listen.
Episode 558Jul 30, 2017Wassup Lawn Tractor & Piano Man
What happened when "Lawn Tractor Man" met "Piano Man"? Something happened. This podcast was done years ago. But it was by far the most downloaded podcast of all TODAY, and there are 558 podcasts in all.
It has a story in it about NYC Police Detective Bill McGroaraty, who was a friend of mine until the bad guys got him. And there's a story about some chest thumping, sweat stained pride in having the fastest lawn tractor on the block. And there's also a story about two pilots and a woman...a story that took a lot of discipline for me to write because it hits pretty close to home. But it was published years ago.
How come after all this time, it ranked as the most downloaded podcast of all time. I don't know "Whassup" but maybe you can tell me. I'd really like to know. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org
Episode 557Jul 23, 20171997
I am sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly black leather poppa chair in my living room, reading a newspaper. A NEWSPAPER. Do you remember reading a NEWSPAPER? And it's published by the AARP! I guess that explains why when I fill out an on line form it takes forever to scroll down to my birth year. And why I sometimes think 1997 was ten years ago.
I have good memories from 1997. My phone plugged into the wall in 1997. And I used the dial up method of getting on the internet. It took a while, but I had a while to spend back then. MTV played music videos in 1997. And the songs that were their picks to click back then are now called Classic Hits on You Tube. I carried paper pictures of my Lady Wonder Wench and the rest of my family in my wallet back then. There were only two genders in 1997, and I was one of them and my Lady was the other.
Hard to realize that back then was now in 1997. Which maybe explains why when I sneezed yesterday, my back hurt all day.