Good Night Podcast
"Good Night" puts a smile on your face, tells you a bedtime story, chucks the day's problems, gives you a verbal back rub and tucks you in for a safe, sound, good night's sleep.
There are several ways to hear Dick’s Good Night Podcast.
The Good Night Podcast is also now available on the Stitcher, so you can listen in on your iPhone, Android Phone, BlackBerry or Pre.
If you'd prefer, you can listen to any episode below, without subscribing.
Episode 535Feb 19, 2017Hair On Fire
It seems to me that everybody's hair is on fire these days. People are scared. When opportunity knocks these days, by the time you look through the peephole, put your shot gun away, tie up your Doberman and slide back the dead lock to open your door, opportunity is long gone. Politics have been going from bad to worse every year, and this year they got there.
There's an explanation for that right there in the word politics. Poli means many. And tics are small, blood sucking parasites. That's called using the right word for identifying the problem. The two most common elements in the universe these days are hydrogen and stupidity. Life these days is especially tough for guys. You swim the deepest river for her, you climb the highest mountain for her, you cross the widest desert for her, and she keeps complaining you're never home.
And how come at Walmart they always have someone demonstrating stuff in the house wares department, but never in the lingerie department. That's just not fair. And what is double virgin olive oil? I remember one of the girls in high school...Jeanie... made that claim, but it wasn't until our first kiss that I understood it. She closed her eyes, and I closed mine...and we missed.
Episode 534Feb 12, 2017Pass Your Passion
I've been sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair watching a ball game. One of the things I like best about watching sports is the passion involved. It starts with the National Anthem just before the game begins. I sometimes sing along with the Star Spangled Banner. I do the best I can with the high notes. That gives me a freebie connection with the people who paid to get into the ballpark. I like that connection. It feels like we are passing the passion for the game back and forth. When I sing about the bombs bursting in air, I can almost smell the hot dogs with mustard and 'kraut and taste the cold beer.
Sometimes the military sends a flight of jets over head. That gives me a chill. Pride will do that to a guy. Pride and passion. I'm a pilot and I know how hard it is to fly tight formation like that. The wing man is sometimes only literally inches away from the lead's tailfeathersâ€¦and they're doing a zillion MPH. That takes skill and courage. And passion.
Episode 533Feb 05, 2017How Come
The "Backache Monster" sank his claws into my spine yesterday, so I've been sitting here in my big, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room counting the few moving parts I seem to have left...on the fingers of one hand. I had a TV dance party show in what seems like a few eons ago. I used to do the Watusi, the Mashed Potatoes, and the Loco Motion with the kids. I didn't do the Twist because of my bad knees. How come they don't have dances like that anymore? How come? How come they don't have TV Dance party shows anymore? Come to think of it, maybe they do, and our kids just won't tell us about them.
Speaking about "How Comes," How Come the alarm only goes off when it's on? And how come the sun on the Raisin Bran box is wearing sun glasses? And how come you have to walk to the back of the drug store to pick up your prescription, but the cigarettes are right up front? And where does the white go when the snow melts?
Episode 532Jan 29, 2017Hanging On To Some Stuff
Some things can go away. Some things we've got to keep. So as I am sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room I thought I'd tell you about a phone call from our granddaughter Cassie.
Cassie was talking about politics, and how some politicians just go on and on and on about the same ideas. I said "Yeah, like a broken record." Cassie said, "What do you mean, Poppa?" I rememberd her age, took a deep breath, and said something like "It means there's a scratch in the record, and it's so bad that the record keeps repeating." Cass said, "Oh. Like a corrupted MP3 file." Drawing on my great command of the language, I said..."Mmmm yeah."
But it got me to thinking about stuff you don't hear any more. Stuff that's gone. Because sometimes it just...disappears and we don't notice when it was disappearing. The click of the channel changer on the TV...not the remote...the knob on the TV. The ka-ching of an old time cash register. A typewriter key hitting paper. The click-whirr of a rotating phone dial. The clang of a bell in a pay phone. Chalk scraping across a blackboard. The rustle of corduroy pants. The grinding sound of a pencil sharpener. The perk-perk of a coffee percolator. I've been making instant coffee for a long time. All that stuff is gone. And we didn't notice when it left.
Episode 531Jan 22, 2017Toxic Testosterone
I am sitting here in my big, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room quietly overcoming my toxic masculinity. Seriously. Duke University and Ithaca College are just two of a whole sclunge of institutions of higher learning that are proving that some ideas are so silly, that only intellectuals with Phds will believe them. They are running courses and workshops devoted to curbing what they call Toxic Masculinity. They haven't the slightest idea of what they're talking about.
They obviously don't understand the simple but classic effects of testosterone. They don't understand that testosterone makes a guy has to make believe he never needs any help. Directions are help. That's why he never reads them. A guy has to believe he can fix anything. Maybe not this instant, but...soon. He must never go to a therapist or a doctor unless he can be clinically proven that he has been dead for at least a year. "No sense going to a hospital, dear. I don't seem to be in a coma right now." Dumb right? Yes. But toxic? No. Just testosterone.
Episode 530Jan 15, 2017Puberty
I have been sitting here in my big, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room doing these podcasts for quite a while now. Quite a time for me isn't the same as it is for archeologists. My Lady Wonder Wench is interested in archeology, which is good for me, because I am hoping she will get more interested in me as I get older.
As Big Louie, the Head Guy of our Louie Louie Generation always says, "Grow old, not dim. If you have any moving parts left, for heaven sake, MOVE EM!" I realized in the fifth grade, that men and women have different moving parts. When Summer vacation came around in the fourth grade, all the boys and girls were pretty much the same. But in September, and fifth grade started, the girls came back a foot taller, and they had...moving parts. It was like they went to Summer bosom and giggles camp. And the fact that they were a foot taller meant that our eyes were cruelly positioned at bosom level...and we weren't ready for it. Some of us are still not ready for it.
Episode 529Jan 08, 2017WHY?
Time to take five and figure out the great "Whys" in life in this podcast. That means different things for different people. For example: A famous astronomer is trying to figure out why something called "Dark Matter" makes up most of the universe. She claims that although it makes up most of the universe, we can't see it feel it or taste it...but it's definitely there...and without it, all the planets would go whizzing off in different directions. So why can't we see it, feel it or taste it? My "Whys" are a little less...cosmic.
I wonder for example why, if there is a Mayo Clinic, why isn't there a Mustard Clinic. And although it is true that beauty is skin deep, why would you want a beautiful liver? And if a woman farts, why she is embarrassed? Guys aren't embarrassed by a fart. Farts to a guy are an endless source of entertainment, male bonding, and self expression. And on the subject of "Whys," how come when a woman uses the word "Fine," it is time for a guy to just shut up, because the conversation is really over. On the other hand, when a woman uses the word, "Nothing" why does it REALLY mean "Something." And why do conversations with a woman that begin with the word "Nothing" often end with the word, "Fine?" And when a woman says, "Go ahead"...why should you not go ahead and do it. A woman's "Go ahead," seems to be the mirror image of when a guy says, "Hey...watch this."
Episode 528Jan 01, 2017Another New Year
This is about first times. The first things that will happen in 2017. The first times in your life...first kiss, first job, first...all that good stuff. And...Happy New Year.
Episode 527Dec 25, 2016Christmas Night
Finally...I'm sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room...recuperating. When I was a kid, I used to hate when Christmas night came around, because that meant it was 365 days till the next Christmas. "Don't cry because something is over, smile because that something happened" is a lesson that takes a while to sink in.
I love Christmas, but it can whack you. I start looking for Christmas presents around Labor Day, because one of the things I like best about Christmas is finding gifts that are different, and personal, and happy. I do the Santa-ing for the guys on our list, & my Lady Wonder Wench takes care of the ladies. I usually get the guys toys...because that's what I like. Christmas is a kid's birthday. Kids like toys. I let my little kid out to play at Christmas. Little kids understand Christmas much better than grownups do. I'll prove that to you in this podcast.