Good Night Podcast
"Good Night" puts a smile on your face, tells you a bedtime story, chucks the day's problems, gives you a verbal back rub and tucks you in for a safe, sound, good night's sleep.
There are several ways to hear Dick’s Good Night Podcast.
If you'd prefer, you can listen to any episode below, without subscribing.
Episode 560Aug 13, 2017Sex and Your Airline Flight
My flight out of Philly just got cancelled, and I think the cancellation was caused by Sex. They claim it's due to mechanical problems, but I think the reason just might be sex.
Lots of flights these days are cancelled because of sex. It has nothing to do with something going on in the bathroom of the pilot's lounge between the hunky pilot and a sexy flight attendant. It has to do with testosterone...or the lack of it.
Testosterone is a key ingredient for guy-hood. And I think that might really be why my flight was just cancelled. Here's what I mean. 96% of the approximately 600,000 American pilots are guys. And in the last 30 years American men have had a 52% drop in testosterone. That's not a sexist statement, it's a medical statistic. The airlines are screaming for pilots. They're beginning to cancel more and more flights, because some picky-picky passengers still prefer flying in airplanes with pilots in the cockpit.
Episode 559Aug 06, 2017Figuring Things Out
I'm sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room, trying to figure things out. Things like "Why is everybody always taking selfies these days?" Could it be that it's because nobody else is interested? What would be a completely safe security question? How about "What is the meaning of life?" If we're not supposed to have midnight snacks, how come a light comes on when you open the refrigerator door? Why should we want to save the planet? How about because this is where we keep all our stuff, including our lovers, our chocolate and our beer. What does the word MATH stand for? Could it be Mental Abuse To Humans? What kind of answer would you get if you really did ask your doctor if the advice you got from a TV commercial was right for you? If the system isn't broken, does that mean it's fixed? How can we say no to negativity? And how come there aren't many well behaved people in the history books? Give the podcast a listen.
Episode 558Jul 30, 2017Wassup Lawn Tractor & Piano Man
What happened when "Lawn Tractor Man" met "Piano Man"? Something happened. This podcast was done years ago. But it was by far the most downloaded podcast of all TODAY, and there are 558 podcasts in all.
It has a story in it about NYC Police Detective Bill McGroaraty, who was a friend of mine until the bad guys got him. And there's a story about some chest thumping, sweat stained pride in having the fastest lawn tractor on the block. And there's also a story about two pilots and a woman...a story that took a lot of discipline for me to write because it hits pretty close to home. But it was published years ago.
How come after all this time, it ranked as the most downloaded podcast of all time. I don't know "Whassup" but maybe you can tell me. I'd really like to know. My email is email@example.com
Episode 557Jul 23, 20171997
I am sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly black leather poppa chair in my living room, reading a newspaper. A NEWSPAPER. Do you remember reading a NEWSPAPER? And it's published by the AARP! I guess that explains why when I fill out an on line form it takes forever to scroll down to my birth year. And why I sometimes think 1997 was ten years ago.
I have good memories from 1997. My phone plugged into the wall in 1997. And I used the dial up method of getting on the internet. It took a while, but I had a while to spend back then. MTV played music videos in 1997. And the songs that were their picks to click back then are now called Classic Hits on You Tube. I carried paper pictures of my Lady Wonder Wench and the rest of my family in my wallet back then. There were only two genders in 1997, and I was one of them and my Lady was the other.
Hard to realize that back then was now in 1997. Which maybe explains why when I sneezed yesterday, my back hurt all day.
Episode 556Jul 16, 2017Fortune Cookie Words
I like fortune cookie words. Break some words apart, like a fortune cookie, and sometimes you find interesting messages inside. The word "Politics" is a good example. Break it apart and you find "poli" which means many and "ticks" which refers to annoying little blood sucking bugs. Do politics ever annoy you...like a bunch of little bugs crawling around on you...drinking your blood?
I like sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, breaking fortune cookie words apart, because lots of times the hidden messages inside tell you something valuable. Impossible is a fortune cookie word. "Im" means I am, and the rest of the word is "possible." So break the fortune cookie word "Impossible" apart, and you get a boot in the butt that tells you to get up off your fanny and give something hard a try.
Break open the fortune cookie word "analyst" and you find the word "anal" meaning anal, and "ist" which in this case means person. So breaking open the fortune cookie word you find that an analyst is an anal person...particularly a political analyist...they're all over the cable news networks. And they are painful...in the butt.
Episode 555Jul 09, 2017The Royal Order Of The Purple Shaft
Back in the day when there were daily duck and cover drills, when we practiced putting our school desks between us and thermo-nuclear distruction, there was a group of friends who called themselves, "The Royal Order Of The Purple Shaft." I was a charter member, along with John, Jerry, Frank, and Leo. We have all lost touch over the years. But a time warp ZAP! happened this week.
John's daughter Jane sent me an email, and I think at least part of the Royal Order shall ride the shaft again. Jane says she remembers meeting me at a radio stationâ€¦ specifically WNBC in New York. She is now a knock out graphics artist but she was just a little kid back then. I don't know if she has kids of her own, but I'll find out. Lots of girls these days don't want to have kids when they find out that it takes 9 months to download a kid.
Episode 554Jul 02, 2017Who Do You Trust?
Who do you trust? I'm sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room, looking at one person in my life who I can trust, completely. My Lady Wonder Wench. She's in her pink bathrobe, with her left leg tucked up under her butt, and she's sticking out her tongue a little while she's squinting through a magnifying glass at a cross stitch pattern she's working on. I'm a lucky guy in lots of ways.
There are several other friends and relatives in my life that I can completely trust. I'm finding out that lots of people don't have anybody they can trust in their lives, and I don't know how they get from one day to another...not really trusting anybody.
The late, great, Johnny Carson did a TV show called, Who Do You Trust. Married pairs of contestants were asked to answer some questions. The husband decided which one would answer. Right there you can see that was back in the old black and white TV days. You'd need a staff of divorce lawyers right there in the studio if you tried that these days. And you can't necessarily trust experts today either.
I explained the word expert a while ago, but if you missed it, the word ex refers to something you had, like an ex husband or wife...and the word pert means lively and perky. So an ex pert is simply one who used to be lively and perky... not necessarialy so much now.
Episode 553Jun 25, 2017You Can't Do Nothing
This just in from a big tourist company: "What vacationers want to do most on vacation is nothing." That's not big news to those of us who are members of the Louie Louie Generation. But...remember that Big Louie...the head guy of the Louie Louie Generation says in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, available at Amazon dot com...shameless plug...Big Louie always says, "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want to do." And as usual, he's right. But not for the reason you might think.
You simply can't do completely nothing, because doing nothing is doing something. Think of the word recreation. Re-Creation. Creation is a very big thing according to a very big best selling holy book...where it says God spent all week creating everything, then on the seventh day...even the Almighty God had to knock it off and rest for a day. Look, creating stuff is hard work. It doesn't matter if you create stuff by building a house, making potato salad, or figuring a way to get to Mars and back.
Episode 552Jun 18, 2017Non-Judgment Day
I like sitting by the window when my Lady and I go to Applebees for our regular Friday night dinner out. The window shade was down this Friday, so I pulled it back up so my Lady and I could watch the world outside spin around. We like to do that, because we like to watch the other people arriving for their Friday night dinners out. Are they holding hands? What's he doing with a girl as pretty as she is? Oh please don't bring that screaming kid in here.
We had just started guessing what a young couple was watching on their smart phones as they were walking in, when a middle aged guy came storming over to our table, pulled the shade back down, looked at me and said, "You pulled that shade up so the sun is hitting me right in the eyes. I'm going to kick your ass." Without thinking, I stood up fast, so I could return the favor. I have some martial arts training. I was pretty good at it. In fact after my first Karate lesson I found I could break a 2 inch board with my cast. I was born and raised in Brooklyn, where you can go ten blocks and never leave the scene of a fight. I was such a tough young guy that I could actually get taxis in Manhattanâ€¦right at Penn Station. I instantly and completely forgot that at my present Louie Louie Generation stage of life, weight lifting consists of just managing to stand up.